transitions

In roughly five weeks from now, our family is moving to Michigan.

Five. Weeks.  That's not a lot of time. 

Also, have I mentioned I'm due with baby #3 in late September?  Yeah.

My husband covers a lot of the details of the move in his own blog post here.  Long story short: he's been asked to help revitalize a small church in Casnovia, MI, about an hour north of Grand Rapids.  He will start as the music pastor, and over the following 6 or so months, transition into the lead pastor role as 2016 begins.  It's a small community, one that has been through a lot of change and challenge, but they are also a close family, and ready to do whatever they need to do to continue and grow and thrive and be Jesus' hands and feet in their community.

 Casnovia Reformed Church

We have a lot of wonderful things waiting for us there, including most of Jason's extended family who are within an hour's drive or so from where we will live, and they are all delightful and loving and awesome and very dear to my heart.  The church position includes a parsonage as part of Jason's salary, so we have the gift of housing (and not having to search for it ourselves).  The church members themselves are excited to have us, and we are excited to become a part of their family.  I get to keep my job since I am a telecommuter - I will simply work from home there.  And Michigan itself is simply lovely: have you ever seen those Pure Michigan ads?  They are not too far from the truth.  It's a lovely state. The summers are lovely and mild, the fall colors breathtaking, and we'll be far enough out into the countryside to be dazzled by millions of stars each night (as well as clear roadways during the day - adios, Interstate 4).

Holland, MI, about an hour away from where we'll live.  I mean, COME ON.

This is an answer to prayer over 10 years in the making: ever since I've first known Jason, we have been praying for him to go full-time into ministry, specifically in a pastoral role. Now, we are on the brink of it being realized, and I am humbled and amazed at God's timing, His care, the perfect fit this seems to be.  I could not be prouder of my husband, and I am excited for all the many ways he will bless and be blessed by this experience.  Jason has the most wonderful heart for others and for Jesus, and I cannot wait for more people to discover and cherish that. 

But I'd be a complete liar if I didn't admit that beneath all the excitement, the anticipation, and the joy is a rumbling layer of fear.  I'm leaving everything that is familiar and loved for the (mostly) unknown.  I'm having to say goodbye in a very short time to family, dear friends who are practically family, and the church community that has loved me, supported me, challenged me, and grown me in Christ's love for over 12 years now.  I am really, really bad at goodbyes, you guys.  I'm the person that has a hard time saying goodbye to people I'm about to see or talk to again in a day or so, and now I'm faced with the biggest, baddest goodbye I've ever had to say, and I'm really not doing well with it.  Part of me wishes I could just sneak out the back door and leave quietly in the night; the smarter, more mature part of me realizes this is a horrible option, really, and that proper goodbyes, in all their messiness and awkwardness, need to happen, and start happening now to give us all time to adjust.

All this fear drums up every possible anxiety and worry I could imagine.  What if we fail? What if we hate it? What if they don't like us? What if I'm horrible at being a pastor's wife? What if the boys don't like it or have a hard time adjusting? How will I handle all this change AND a newborn? What if this entire situation doesn't even come to fruition to begin with? (Note: this move is contingent on the outcome of an interview Jason will have with the Student Care Committee, where they assess his readiness to be a pastor.  That interview is about a week away.)


So, with a chaotic, unsettled heart, I run to Jesus.  I don't always remember to at first, but I've been blessed with an amazing husband, as well as supportive friends and family, that will point me back to Him when I feel like a scared, abandoned child.  Taking this huge leap across the states requires a huge leap of faith, and I know I can trust Him with this, because all those details I obsess and worry about are the same ones He already has worked out for me.  I'm still scared and afraid, but I know He is calling me to hold tightly onto His hand as He guides me safely through this, through all the messy and sad goodbyes, through all the transitions, through all the new introductions and adjustments and even the tears that might leak out from my eyes from time to time.  I know there is joy in the here and now, and also just around the corner.

Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms.

Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries. --Francis de Sales

pinterest creations: super laundry sauce, aka laundry miracle whip

I love making stuff in the kitchen. I also love clean clothes. So when I came across this pin on Pinterest for "Mom's Super Laundry Sauce", well, I had to look. Turns out that it's basically a recipe for detergent that you make... IN THE KITCHEN. WHAT. Plus, it claims to get out every stink and stain - perfect for a mom of two preschoolers and a husband about to devote his working hours to smoking meat. Also, it's cheap: for the detergent alone, it's about $1.78 for 128 loads of laundry. And it's safe for the earth AND safe for super-sensitive skin like mine.

I detailed my experience below. It's a long post, mostly because I tried to photograph each step for those of you wanting to give it a whirl, so it might look complicated, but it was really quite simple. A few words up front:

Any struggle or difficulty I had was a direct result of not following the instructions exactly as written. In other words, it was my own stinkin' fault. I think it's actually a pretty good rule when you try any recipe for the first time - I realize some things just beg for variation, and I'm not trying to stifle y'all's creativity, but trust me, if there's a voice in your head going, "Hmmm, I don't have this, so I'll substitute that", tell that voice to shut. up. now.

Also, as with any project or recipe, read and reread that sucker eleventy million times before you start it. If it's off of a blog and there's more than a couple of comments, read those a lot, too. You can often save yourself massive headaches by learning from those who ventured before you, and if you have a question, often times someone else has asked it and gotten it answered already. Very helpful.

Okay, I'll get off my high horse now. Read on:

THE CAST OF CHARACTERS:

You'll need:
--2 regular mouth quart Mason jars. DO NOT GET WIDE MOUTH. (I'll explain in a minute.)
--1 cup of 20 Mule Team Borax
--1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (NOT BAKING SODA! Why the people at A&H felt the need to make these boxes look identical, I'll never know.)
--1 bar Fels Naptha soap
--4 cups of water, plus maybe 1/2-3/4c water later on
--(handsome lounging husband in background completely optional)

I found all of the soap stuff (fels, soda, Borax) right next to each other in the laundry aisle at Walmart, and I've also seen them - right next to each other - in Publix and Target. If you can't find these items, DON'T SUBSTITUTE. Get them off Amazon. Heck, write me and I'll send ya some. JUST DON'T SUBSTITUTE.

Your equipment:
--a blender
--a medium sized saucepan
--a wide funnel - Ball makes these for canning as well
--your instructions (most important!)

First, grate your Fels Naptha. I used a box grater, but some food processors have a grating option, so that also works.

Doesn't grated soap totally look like cheddar cheese? Mmmmm, cheese. Anyway, while you're grating your cheese soap, get 4 cups of water to a minimal boil on high heat:

Add in your soap shreds, turn your heat down to medium, and slowly, continuously stir that sucker.

You'll want to get a gentle rolling boil going here as you're stirring, with a very minimal amount of sudsing. If you seem to get a lot of suds and/or the mixture appears to be "creeping" up the sides of the pot, it's too hot - turn down your heat just enough to keep it rolling but not creeping up. I have a gas stove, and my settings are lo-2-3-4-5-6-hi - here's where my perfect, gentle rolling boil was:

(Geez. You would think I woulda CLEANED it before photographing it. Anyway.)

It took about 5-7 minutes for my soap to completely dissolve in the mixture. Make sure it's completely dissolved before going on to the next step.

Totally dissolved. I couldn't pull up any clumps of soap with my whisk.

Next, take your mixture off the heat and slowly add in your Borax/washing soda:

This is where you continuously stir for, I don't know, a couple of years. (Kidding.) In order to get that lovely creamy consistency in the end, this needs to completely dissolve - you'll be stirring for 10-15 minutes. It doesn't need to be fast, just continuous. Stir, stir, stir.

When you are first stirring, you will definitely feel the grain and grittiness of the Borax/soda stuff at the bottom of your pan. When you can't feel the grit anymore, it's ready. Like I said, this takes a few minutes of continuous stirring - I think it was about 10-15 for me.

Next, you'll want to pour the mixture into your Mason jars, an equal amount into both. I'm borrowing a picture from the original poster's blog so you can see the little funnel thing Ball sells to help with the pouring - it's maybe $2, if that. Anyway, once poured in, add just enough water to bring the mixture up to the "shoulders" of the jars:

Once you've poured the mixture into the jars and stuck the lids on (tightly), turn over the jars... and walk away. Let these set for 4-5 hours. (I'm told if you wait longer than 6 hours, it gets grainy.)

Within the first hour, you'll see the layers start to separate:

After the four hours or so is up, open up the lids SLOWLY. The hard white layer will "gloop" down into the yellow liquid and splash you if you're not slow about it! Use the handle of a wooden spoon (or other similar instrument) and break up the white stuff.

Here's where I stress that you must use the regular-mouth and not WIDE-mouth Mason jars. You can see in the above photos that I had the wide-mouth ones; the original poster had regular-mouthed. I didn't realize there was a difference or that it even MADE a difference... until I got to this step. See, the whole point of pouring it into two Mason jars was that, after opening up the lids and breaking up the white stuff, you can simply take a blender blade attachment, screw it on top, turn over the jar onto the blender, and whip up your creation AND BE DONE. Here's a picture of what I mean:

With a wide-mouth Mason jar, I could not do this, as the mouth is too fit the blender base. (Also, I'm told that any other size jar will. not. work for setting the mixture, regardless of the mouth size.)

So, at this point, had you followed the directions, you would blend each bottle for maybe a minute each and be done. I took one photograph of what I had to do instead so that you, reader, would not meet such an unfortunate fate. Basically, I had to take the contents of both jars, stick them into my stand mixer, and try to whip them with my whisk attachment. One word about this: NO.

Just... no. You can see it looks like lumpy egg salad. It didn't emulsify properly like a blender would have done. So if you don't have a blender, well, I don't know what to tell you. I made a huge old mess, and a lot of the solid bits fell to the bottom of the bowl and didn't get incorporated, and by the time I figured that out, I was fishing them out of the mixture and throwing them into the sink, except that the hard stuff is the "super" of the Super Laundry Sauce. Anyway, I finally dumped the mixture, half at a time, into my blender, made an even bigger mess, but finally got the consistency I needed. Voila:

Pardon the greenish tinge - it's the fluorescent lighting in my laundry room.

The instructions to use: simply take 1 Tbsp and put in directly with your clothes, NOT in the detergent compartment. If you have a top-loader, start the wash and let the water rinse out the detergent from the tablespoon. If you have an HE machine (like mine), still dump it in with the clothes, then use a sock or small piece of clothing you're about to wash to wipe out all the detergent from the spoon.

The verdict?

BRILLIANT.

It was worth all the mess, yes it was. My clothes came out lovely and clean, without a hint of scent. All the boys' stains of various origins all came out. I used fabric softener (in the softener section of the drawer, like normal) and cold water each time, too. Worked a charm!

One small variation: because of my earlier blunder of tossing some of the solid part of the soap before it was all emulsified, I'm finding I have to use more like a rounded tablespoon in order to get the right amount of detergent. But that isn't too big a deal to me at this point. I am planning to get myself the correct size of quart Mason jars to make this again, and I will be sure to provide an update.

You guys - I made DETERGENT! And it looks like MIRACLE WHIP! Whee!

strength for the supermarket

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday afternoon: never, ever attempt to go to the supermarket with two hungry, nap-skipping toddlers in tow when you yourself are hungry and tired.

All three of us had meltdowns, just before dinnertime, in the baking goods aisle in Publix. Aidan wanted to run up and down, weaving through moving shopping carts; Bubba was intent on picking up every stationary object within arm's reach. I was weary, and I was hungry too, and when Momma's hungry, ain't nobody happy. All of us trying to get our way resulted in all of us in tears.

Those jumbo bags of M&Ms suddenly looked mighty good. Same with those sugar cookies. That are ON SALE. Oh snap. Oh, and that pint of Ben & Jerry's...

I do that a lot: turn to food, or sleep, or some other comfort when things aren't going my way. I forget I can easily harness the power of the One who made all the Earth with a simple prayer.

I didn't realize that right away though. After I'd wrangled the kids through the checkout line, behind a woman intent on making small talk with the cashier while I struggled with the boys, trying to keep them from hitting each other; after we'd endured a tearful cart ride out to the car, arched backs and flailing limbs in the car seats; after I'd finally sat down in the driver's seat, bursting into tears and texting Jason (who was out at work and not due to come home until much, much later) "I CAN'T DO THIS"... after all of that, I stopped and offered a prayer: help me, Lord.

I'd love to tell you I had an instant moment of peace, the clouds parting, the sun streaming on my car, the kids calming, and my heart filled with the peace of God. Wouldn't that be an awesome, Chicken Soup for the Soul moment? (Do they even make those books anymore?) It didn't happen that way.

What did happen: I made it home. I did not go back into the store and buy out the candy aisle, as I was so tempted to do minutes before. I managed to make grilled cheese sandwiches and apples for the kids, and they did calm down eventually, watching Cars 2 and only occasionally getting upset at each other. I kept going. I made myself a healthy dinner that I know wouldn't leave me in an emotional tailspin of regret and carb overload. I sang a few songs under my breath from church this morning (much to the kids' dismay), got them dressed for bed and, eventually, actually in their beds. I still didn't reach for the Belgian chocolate ice cream, even when the house was quiet and I had a chance to breathe.

I took a moment to offer gratitude, something I've been really not good about doing lately. I was tired, worn out, emotionally spent... but I made it. I kept on. I wasn't completely consumed in the moment. I didn't give up, not on my kids, not on myself, not on everything.

Therein lies the quiet, subtle victory. That moment that I thought was going to do me in... didn't.

It's so easy for me to pray for help in life's big moments of darkness and need, but I forget to ask for help for the day-to-day, little moments when I just feel like I'm struggling through, not really doing anything well. So I'm ever thankful for these little reminders that God cares about the daily routine, the inbetween moments. He sustains me, He guides me. Even when I forget to ask.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3: 21-23

How are you learning to trust God with the small details? How has He revealed himself to you in quiet, tender ways?

friday five: five Pinterest things that are cool

For me, Pinterest is a whole lot of dreaming and wishing, and not so much practicality. I don't have long hair to make into sock buns for effortless waves in the morning. I have neither the desire nor the genetics for the hours in the gym required for those "fitspiration" photos. And mostly due to that last statement, my waistline definitely cannot afford to make the approximately 1,304 varieties of recipes involving Nutella.

Still, I pin away.

Here are five pins (out of the thousands I've repinned to my boards) that have actually made a positive impact in my life, no matter how small:

1. Getting urine stains/smell out of a mattress. Yeah, I know. Did you have to start out with such a gross one? You betcha. EMBRACE THE GROSS, PEOPLE. 'Cause I'm a mom, and a mom of two potty-training boys, so urine in the mattress is a daily reality for me. I found this pin in desperation when my older son's room had a constant smell of ammonia - I needed SOMETHING that didn't involve replacing mattresses and/or burning down the house. Who knew a simple mixture of baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, and dish soap would do the trick? I wished that I would have taken a before-and-after set of photos, as the rather darkly-ringed stains are now but faint, faint memories, but no photo could convey the pleasant change of scent. My son's room now smells ever so faintly of soap and clean dishes. It is heavenly.

2. The best birthday (or any celebratory) cake ever created. Many of you have gotten the chance to taste this wonderful recipe the, oh, 524 times I've made it. Cookie dough just cannot fail, I tell you. So imagine my delight when I saw a pin that pretty much took the cupcake and made it into an entire cake of sheer delight. OH MY STARS. I made this cake for Jason's surprise 33rd birthday party, and I pretty much fell in love with the first slice. The slight variation I did was to add a brownie layer, which was simple: make some brownies, and pour the batter into the same-sized round cake pans as the rest of the layers. Cook it for about 1/2 - 2/3 of the recommended recipe time (less batter = cooks faster), and voila! Brownie layer! (You'll need to double up on that yummy icing, too.) It was such a huge hit, and a definite permanent addition to my baking repertoire.

HONORABLE COOKIE THEME MENTION: these amazing chocolate chip cookies I made for my dad & stepmom for Christmas. 3 different kinds of chocolate + cookie dough + pinch of sea salt = shut uuuuppppp. So freaking good.

3. A wonderful train-themed 4th birthday for Aidan. Both the boys lurrrve their trains. It started with a love affair with the famous blue tank engine, Thomas. However, heading to the party store and OD'ing on everything Thomas & Friends just wasn't in the budget. Plus, I loved the idea of a train-themed party WITHOUT having to employ a trademark all over the place. This train-themed party pin - and the amazing printables from Parties by Hardie's Etsy shop - provided the perfect, affordable, adorable inspiration this not-so-crafty momma needed. Several trees, a few popsicle sticks, and glue guns later, I had a pretty great themed party for my little train conductor.

4. A healthy dose of laughter. I can take life and its circumstances WAY TOO SERIOUSLY sometimes. And the best way to fix that? A good belly laugh. Funny pictures about Michael's dementors in prison (Jim! Kevin!), this epically hilarious Craigslist ad for a used Pontiac, the pictures of celebrities they never publish, and why you don't need to get all dressed up for the dollar store are just a happy dose of awesome for my day. Plus this video - 10 bucks says you'll be singing this all. day. long.


5. These amazing ham and cheese sliders. (Yeah, I know. Half of my pins are food. But they're really nommy, I promise.) PEOPLE. If you have not made these for a party, a kids' gathering, a Tuesday afternoon, whatever, stop what you are doing AND MAKE THESE. Individually, I am not a huge fan of the elements of these bites of glory: ham (eh), mustard (grroooossss), white rolls (meh), swiss cheese (yuck). But throw them together with some melted butter and poppy seeds and put 'em in the oven? Holy roll-y moly. I made these for Bubba's 1st birthday party and I NEVER GOT TO HAVE ANY, they went that fast. (Well, actually, I snuck some before I served them. So I did. BUT BARELY.)

What are some of your favorite pins from Pinterest? Share them in the comments!

(almost) wordless wednesday: going free

Yeah. So. This. This might be happening. Full time. Soon. (Feel free to share any GF adventures in the comments below.)

dragon doona dinosaur

My two boys love to sing, especially in the car. Once the seat belts are clicked and the car seats secured, one of them will ask almost immediately for "Dinoco" or "Mack" - their words for the Cars movie soundtrack. And we'll drive down the road and sing, over and over, to "Life Would Be A Dream" and "Route 66" and "Real Gone", songs I suspect every parent of every boy under the age of 5 can sing from memory. Well, I do, at least.

Inevitably, I get sick of listening to Cars, over and over, and I'll turn on something else, maybe a Pandora station or my own mix of songs from my phone. (This they call "Mommy's music" and it's usually met with a lot of protest.) Sometimes, we'll sing one of the handful of songs they've learned from preschool or daycare: A-B-C, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, The Days Of The Week (sung charmingly to The Addams Family theme), Jesus Loves Me.

Aidan, for those of you who haven't met him, is my little rule follower, type A, everything-has-its-place boy. He is the older of the two, and it shows in his behavior. He is responsible, even for a spirited 4 year old boy. When I turn around and ask if he wants to sing A-B-Cs, he will. Or he'll say he doesn't want to sing A-B-Cs, and then lets everyone know what other familiar song he will sing instead, in preparation. Usually, he has to sing it solo. (Gee, I can't figure out where he gets that trait.) But for the most part, he is predictable. Singing songs will only have one of a limited few outcomes: sing the requested song solo, sing another known song solo. Sometimes he'll sing with me. Sometimes. Not often.

(A side note for all you parents convinced you must have horrid voices based on your kids' reactions to your singing: I actually have a degree in voice. I even made it to grad school, so I'm pretty sure I can at least hold a tune. I don't break out in operatic voice or anything - I just sing straight. And both boys vehemently protest my singing pretty much EVERY TIME. "No Mommy! Don't sing!" So don't take it personally.)

Brendan - Bubba - on the other hand, is my free spirit. When it comes to singing, and life in general, you don't know what's going to come out of his mouth. He is my younger son, the child who, in the same 60 seconds, will have you dying from just how adorable he is and pulling your remaining hair out in frustration at his antics. He is the kid who goes from one calamity to another without interruption, the child who needs protective gear just living his life. He is predictably unpredictable, and that definitely applies to his choice of singing. If you ask him to sing A-B-Cs with you, he might. Or he might launch into something completely made up.

Enter "Dragon Doona Dinosaur".

I have no idea where he picked this up, this crazy, jumbly, made-up song. My best guess is that a) he loves singing, b) he loves being silly, c) he loves dinosaur and went through a phase recently where ALL he wanted to watch was Dinosaur Train, and d) he had not heard any songs about dinosaurs. So he made up one on his own. It even rhymed. It is to the tune of the A-B-C song (or Twinkle Twinkle, if you prefer). It can take many variations, but the consistent opening of late is "Dragon Doona Dinosaur! Abo-rani-abo-more!" There might be some other syllables in the middle verses. He might just sing "Dragon Dragon Dinosaur!" for every line. The song changes nearly every time, making it almost impossible to sing along. He, too, wants to have his solo, likely for the attention of a solo versus Aidan's need for order and routine in getting to sing a solo. (Again, no idea where they get this from! Sheesh. STOP LOOKING AT ME.)

Dragon Doona Dinosaur, for all its creative charm, usually lands one or both of my kids in tears: it becomes this round robin of competitive one-upping-ness, the other trying to gain control of a song spinning wildly out of control. And the lucky adults in the car are left scrambling to distract them to another sing or activity, or at least find that bottle of ibuprofen. I groan inwardly every time I hear one of the boys launch into it, because I know what's coming. The tears, the hitting, the screams, the protests. I just want a nice, quiet ride with no drama. Dragon Doona Dinosaur pretty much guarantees chaos. I DON'T LIKE THAT SONG.

It's not what I had planned when I set off on that drive. It never is.

I get short, testy. I will inevitably utter some stern warning to the backseat that either gets them even more upset or indignant. I get frustrated, they whimper. And this is all before we get to our destination, where I can only hope they will behave in whatever public area. Eventually, they move on, but I'm left feeling anxious, muttering, exhausted.

"Can you please sing a real song?" I will often ask them.

I wanted to squash all the creativity out of them in order to have my order.

Tonight, on an after-dinner drive through the neighborhood, Bubba started the familiar refrain: "Dragon doona dinosaur!". I started to cringe and was about to ask him to sing a "real song" when I heard him singing "Dragon, dragon, dragondinosaur!", cramming that last word in to one note. He did this for every verse. It was HILARIOUS. We all laughed, Aidan included. And we might have missed that if I had given in to my first impulse to get him to "behave" and sing something else.

I know I can draw a thousand parallels to my life here: our circumstances lately feel like made-up lyrics, unexpected, unplanned songs to a slightly familiar tune. Things just aren't going the way we expected, and yet, the sun rises and sets, the tune of life still mostly familiar in its undercurrent. I don't like change. I don't want to have to give up control and let someone else take the reins, musically or otherwise. I often end up in frustration and tears. I just want life to behave.

But when I stop and go with the flow, let God lead us where he's guiding us, I laugh. I smile. Things are so much EASIER. There's not so much conflict, internal or otherwise. There's contentedness. When I stop to celebrate the joy of the moment, even amidst tears and protests (including my own), I find the joy and see less of the crud. I start protesting my situation less and laughing much more. When I learn not to cringe in anticipation of what I think is coming, whittle down my joy with all of my anxious, useless worrying, I open the door to all of these sweet, unexpected surprises... many of them coming from chubby, sticky hands and sugar-smeared cheeks.

I don't want to miss out on the surprise blessings God sends through a made-up song, an impromptu moment, my children's creativity, all because I need to have control.

In Genesis, Abraham obeyed God's command to go and yet only knew a few steps of the journey at a time, never knew the end destination until he actually got there. I can imagine that wandering in foreign lands, encountering all sorts of new and unexpected places and events, likely felt like the familiar song of his days getting a whole new set of verses... and he wasn't the one in control of them. He could have protested, found a spot along the way, and tried to get a regular rhythm back into his life. He didn't. Instead, he went with the flow, followed God's direction, building altars and celebrating each step of the way with faithfulness, even though he had NO idea where he was going to end up. He was human, so I know he probably longed for the familiarity and regularity of his home life. He left comfort for the unknown. He trusted and let go of control.

The next time we head out for a drive, I think I'll be the one to lead the rousing chorus of "Dragon Doona Dinosaur", and even if we have some tears and protesting, I know we'll all see what unexpected joy lies around the corner.

100 things about me, the 2013 edition

Oh, it was high time to update this list.  Here we go:

1. I'm an RN by trade and an incorrigible introvert at heart.
2. I hate cooked peas and carrots. Also lima beans.
3. I was born on Cinco de Mayo.
4. That song you have stuck in your head? DON'T SING IT FOR ME. PLEASE. Because it will get caught in my head, too.  And then we'll both be sad. 
5. Cilantro tastes like soap to me.
6. When I was twenty, I tried to make myself smoke a pack of cigarettes. Hated it so much I only made it through the first two and threw the rest out.
7. I miss having a cat.
8. I used to have 2 other cats (Opus, Missy), three goldfish (Nutsy, Trigger, and Peter O'Toole), a hamster (Scooter), and briefly, two kittens (Ben and Jocey).
9. I have perfect pitch.
10. I do not judge you if you do not have perfect pitch.
11. I play piano, violin, and sing.
12. I tried to play trumpet once, during college. I was told to never play any brass instrument ever again.
13. I grew up Catholic.  It was rad.
14. I love being at church. 
15. My number-one destination of places I have not yet been is Ireland.
16. Jason is two years younger than I am.
17. No one believes me when I tell them how old I am.
18. I'd love to learn the cello. I played it for two years in middle school, a borrowed cello from school, but never officially took lessons.
19. I love being pregnant.
20. I cannot stand horror movies.
21. I love Manhattan and New York in general.
22. I have sung in Lincoln Center, at Avery Fisher Hall, with a choir.  It was rad.
23. I thrive in cold weather, in snow. 
24. I love my husband more than anyone else in the world.
25. My favorite color is pink.
26. Within two weeks of meeting my husband, I knew he would be my husband.
27. I was proposed to on Christmas Eve, in front of the entire congregation at my church.
28. I waitressed for one summer in college.
29. I never went to prom.
30. I live in blue jeans.
31. I'm addicted to Coke Zero. I drink way too much of it, I'm afraid.
32. I never got into tea.
33. I LOVE Anne of Green Gables. I have watched it (and Anne of Avonlea) at least a hundred times.
34. I have a "bosom friend" named Diana. She calls me "Anne-girl".
35. I really don't care for the third movie in the Anne of Green Gables set.  Meh.
36. I am wonderfully happy being around mountain scenery.
37. I am right-handed.
38. I do not like pickles or avocados. Pickled avocados would probably horrify me if they exist.
39. I attended four different colleges within an 8 year time span.
40. I nearly flunked college chemistry the first time.
41. I aced it 6 years later.
42. I was in a sorority whose signature colors were pink and white. Shocking, I know.
43. I dropped out of that sorority. "Deactivated" is the official term, actually.
44. Some of my verbal pet peeves are "vice-a versa", "axed (asked)", "irregardless", and "expresso".
45. My favorite movie of all time is Amadeus. It is rad.
46. When I run, I feel better almost instantly. Even if I'm cursing under my breath.
47. I break out into hives when I hear metal scraping metal, like a metal spoon scraping a metal bowl.
48. I love baking even more than eating what I bake. 
49. I love playing with makeup.  I'm learning to wear it more.
50. I don't mind getting my blood drawn.
51. Funny embarrassing Disney anecdote: outside of Pirates of the Caribbean ride, Jason and I saw a very short person walk by.  Jason: "I think that was Warwick Davis.  You know, Willow." Me, scolding: "J, every short person is NOT Warwick Davis." I read later that day in the paper that it was, in fact, Warwick Davis.  
52. Some of my other favorite movies are Finding Nemo, Dirty Dancing, Pretty in Pink, Cars, Howard's End, The Goonies, Office Space, Brave, and the Princess Bride.
53. I know it's unreasonable and irrational, but I still secretly want everyone to like me.
54. I am learning to love Florida weather a little more than I used to.  But we're still not on good terms.
55. I dearly love the people I know in Florida, which makes it extremely hard to leave.
56. I never tan anymore. Too risky.
57. I don't like it when I get told I look tired.  Even though it's usually true.
58. I tend to listen to one song, over and over, until I am sick of it and refuse to listen to it ever again.
59. I am not good with large groups of children.
60. I didn't learn to drive until I was 23 years old. I learned on a stick shift.
61. I have two of the cutest kids in Christendom. They are rad.
62. I cannot drink from a water fountain if someone is behind me.
63. I love roller coasters.
64. I prefer cold weather to warm, winter to spring, sweaters to bathing suits.
65. I love music and my iTunes is just all over the place, which I love.
66. I cut my hair short for the first time in October 2011. It is rad. 
67. I sleep on my stomach almost exclusively.
68. I have a thing for those IceDream cones from Chick-fil-A. 
69. In second grade, I accidentally gave my best friend a bloody nose trying to teach her the proper way to throw a Frisbee.
70. I took four years of French in high school. I remember none of it.
71. When I was 12, I tried to climb over a chain link fence at my school and got my underwear caught at the top. I couldn't get free and asked my mom and/or cousin (who successfully climbed over) to free me, except they were laughing too hard and I nearly impaled some sensitive areas waiting for them to calm down.
72. I chew my cuticles when I am stressed out.
73. I grew up on Apple computers.
74. I cannot ski, even on perfectly horizontal, flat snow. I always fall.
75. My favorite book of all time is Jane Eyre.
76. Other books I love: The Red Tent, Bridget Jones' Diary, all the Harry Potter books, the Little House on the Prairie books, and Redeeming Love.
77. I have no intention of ever delivering a baby without serious legal narcotics at my disposal. (Thankfully, I have never had to).
78. I lost 50 pounds through Medifast.   Kept it off, too.
79. I have some really, really terrific friends. They are rad.
80. I think I want more kids.
81. I love me some Disney.  One of the best dates Jason and I have ever had was a date at EPCOT watching the Candlelight Processional. 
82. I hit the snooze button repeatedly. I never get up on the first buzz.
83. I can only eat slightly underripe bananas. Anything riper makes me gag.
84. My favorite scents are baking bread, the top of my kids' heads after a bath, firewood burning, and that orange-y scent at some of the Disney rides.  
85. I need to be alone when I am having a hard time.
86. I don't like it when I am interrupted during a story, or when I see others being interrupted, though I know I'm mad guilty of interrupting others.
87. Sometimes I remember every crappy thing I've ever done all at once, for no real reason.
88. I'm learning how to be gentle with myself for #87. 
89. I want to celebrate 60 years of marriage with Jason, with both of us alive and present.
90. I cannot stand vampire movies or TV shows and think they are completely ridiculous.
91. I was born in Birmingham, Alabama.
92. I used to dislike big dogs.  Now I'm kinda wanting one.  A gentle one.
93. I have a hard time shopping at Ross, TJ Maxx, and thrift stores. I do not have the patience to sift through the disorganization to find the bargains.
94. I prefer milk chocolate to dark.
95. I am always up for a good nap.
96. I've never broken a bone.
97. I've watched a person being born, and I've watched someone take their very last breath. Both times were incredible privileges.
98. On our honeymoon, Jason and I went to a no-longer-maintained park in the middle of nowhere in the Canadian Rockies, off a very remote stretch of road, and actually went looking for grizzly bears.
99. I am pretty sure the chocolate chip cookies at Chick-fil-A are made with crack.
100. Carbs are my downfall.

Whew!

friday five: five of my goals for 2013

1. Write more. I've been stalking other peoples' blogs for quite some time now without doing any writing of my own. And I've had so many nights where I'm composing blog posts in my head as I'm falling asleep, things I want to share, things I want to process out as typed words instead of fleeting thoughts. I get inspired by blogs like this and this and this. I love these women who share their faith and families, inspiring and encouraging so many with their words. I'd love to return the favor, so here I am. I've often found myself struggling to add to my blog because I get tired of how it looks, but for now, I'll write and let the format change as I can.

2. Worry less. Yeah. This is going to be a big goal for me. Worry is the number one roadblock in my way of living the way God wants me to live. (There are other roadblocks, but this one is the behemoth.) When I lay my head down at night and stop the crazy whirlwind of crazy business that is my life, I worry. It's a bad, bad habit. Worrying does nothing to affect the outcomes, except that it makes me lose precious sleep, fogs my brain, and distracts me from all of the many positive things in my life. So since it is serving no useful purpose, I'd like to be rid of all that worry, or less of it at the very least.

3. Move more. My thoughts and emotions are constantly on the move, while my body is usually mostly stationary. When I move my body more, the inverse is true of my brain: I calm. It's after I've been on a run that I feel God's voice clearest in my heart, recognize the constancy of His promises. It's when I've shrugged off the couch in favor of helping the boys ride tricycles that I stop to enjoy their little moments and not spend them buried in my iPhone. My body also feels so much better and operates much more smoothly when I've treated it well and worked off some of those calories.

4. Spend less. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory: live within our means. 2012 was rough on our finances in a lot of ways, notably with the unsteadiness of Jason's income and unexpected medical expenses, and while we couldn't control some of the ways we had to spend money, a lot more choices were our own to make.

5. Enjoy more... of where I am right now. I'm a planner. I love to have the next 5 years of my life in clear view. I like to know what's coming next. (Stop laughing.) 2012 was all about learning that not only are my plans never set in stone, going with the flow and seeing the real plan God has for me is way richer, way better. It does mean giving up my tight little fist of control. I'm not so good with that yet. As this new year begins, so much of our lives is in flux: jobs, locations, schooling, finances. My nature is to be even more future-oriented, trying to plan out the next step so that everything will be okay. But my plans are so... HUMAN. And LIMITED. And in retrospect, I see the rather amazing journey God has taken me on, the paths He made for me vs. the paths I would have chosen myself, had it all been up to me, and I'm like, WHEW. And in the meantime, there are all these wonderful things to celebrate and enjoy and experience RIGHT. NOW. Like my two kids. And my husband. And a million other awesome things about where I am RIGHT. NOW. The future can take care of itself.

What are your goals for 2013? I'd love to hear them.

as good a reason as any to start blogging again...

I just realized my last post was in September. Of 2010. Where did the time go? So, to kick it off again, here's a New Year's meme, a few days late. YOU'RE WELCOME.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Turned 35, threw my awesome husband a surprise party (thanks, Kelley!), started working as a case manager, started working from home, kept off the 50 pounds I lost in 2011, became the mom of a fantastic FOUR year old and TWO year old, moved away from Orlando and to Tampa, sold a house. Not bad.  

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Hmmm. I don't make resolutions, as that's pretty much a guaranteed way I will BREAK them. But as far as goals... I want to spend more time with the people who matter most to me (my husband, my boys, my God), find more ways to be a blessing to others instead of being selfish, write a little more (hey! I'm already starting strong!), lost those stubborn last 15 pounds, and run my second half marathon! Also, cut myself a ton of grace for the goals I don't quite achieve.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Why yes, yes they did! And several more cutie patooties due to come in 2013!

4. Did anyone close to you die? My sweet Nanna passed away. And I didn't actually know any of the dear angels in CT, but that hit me pretty hard.  

5. What countries did you visit? Stayed in the good ol' United States. 'MERICA.  

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn’t have in 2012? To live amongst snow and/or mountains. To save more than I spend. (Those two needn't be mutually exclusive, now.) To expand our family, by fur or by flesh. (NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.)  

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why? March 3 - moving to Tampa. August 25 - Jason's rockin' surprise party. December 25 - because I just freaking LOVE Christmas. And it was awesome.  

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? Maintaining a 50 pound weight loss, pushing for a better job and getting it, and potty-training Aidan.

9. What was your biggest failure? Believing all those lies in my head, the ones that kept me from dreaming, achieving, spending time with the people I loved, not worrying. Also, not winning the Powerball, despite the ONE ticket I bought.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? A couple of running-induced strains, and a nasty bout with walking pneumonia around Halloween.  

11. What was the best thing you bought? My dad's Miata, for $1. (Yes, ONE DOLLAR). Also Aidan's potty-training intensive weekend.  

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? It's hard to narrow this down, but probably mostly from two dear friends, Shannon and Brianna, who continually buoyed me up, challenged me, made me laugh, and kept me sane. I really don't know what I would do without them. Jason should get some praise, too, for putting up with all of my swiftly changing moods.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? People who turned on each other around election time just because they didn't vote for the same person; most of the drivers on I-4; Honey Boo-Boo and most of reality TV.

14. Where did most of your money go? I'm still trying to figure this out.  

15. What did you get really excited about? I threw Jason his first surprise birthday party in August - first he'd ever had, and the first one I'd ever thrown. It could not have come together any more perfectly, and it was such a fun evening with dear friends. I always get mega-excited about Christmas and my birthday (in May), too. Pretty much anyone's birthday.  

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? Forever by Chris Brown. Yeah, I know. But I rediscovered it after watching a rerun of The Office (where Jim & Pam get married) and it has been on my playlist ever since.  

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Probably about as happy, just about the same weight, and definitely monetarily poorer.  

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Writing. Spending time with my family. Being in prayer.  
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Laying in bed at night reading my iPhone. Farting around on my computer. Worrying.  

20. How did you spend Christmas? We had everyone over to our house, first to open gifts, then for Christmas dinner. This was the first Christmas I feel like both boys really GOT Christmas, and it was so much fun to watch them open up all their many (inexpensive) gifts. The wonderful thing about the under-5 set is that you can get them a ton of very inexpensive little toys, wrap them all up individually, and it looks like Toys R' Us exploded all over your living room when in fact you hardly spent much of anything on it. (It's the small handful of "big kid" gifts that hit your wallet hardest!)

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? I stayed wonderfully in love. Seriously. I have the best husband in the world.  

22. What was your favorite TV program? In case you couldn't guess, The Office. Also Parks and Recreation. Downton Abbey - although can I just say... THAT CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. WHAT.

23. What was the best book you read? I got to reread all of the Little House on the Prairie series AND Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea series. I loved it all over again.  

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The new worship CD from Elevation. Seriously amazing stuff.

25. What did you want and get? A change of scenery, the opportunity to work from home AND a fantastic boss, healing for some long-standing hurts in my heart, a sweet pair of pj's, a chance to go to Disney and see the Candlelight Processional at EPCOT, new friends, a copy of Brave.

26. What did you want and not get? Nothing of any consequence. I'd love to have a good ice cream maker, but it's probably a blessing I didn't get that.  

27. What was your favorite film of 2012? I think 2013's will be Les Mis, but since I haven't gotten to see it yet, I'd definitely have to say Brave. Even better that I got it for Christmas to watch at home! Thanks Santa.  

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 35 this year - what - and spent the evening with the love of my life eating steak and drinking coffee.  

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? There are several distant relatives and friends that I wish weren't so distant.  

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012? *sniff sniff* "Okay, it's clean."  

31. What kept you sane? My dear friends, my awesome husband, the times I remembered to pray, and - not gonna lie - Netflix.

32. What political issue stirred you the most? The election did, mostly for peoples' reactions to each other. Can't we all just get along? I hate conflict.  

33. Who did you miss? In no particular order: my cousin Jen in CA, all my family in DC area, my friend Brianna also in CA, and an entire throng of people all part of one particular church in Orlando.  

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. It's just a bad day... not a bad life.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings So long status quo, I think I just let go You make me wanna be brave  

36. Bonus Question: What else will always remind you of 2012? Taking the boys to Chick-fil-A, Bubba saying "nuffing" and "Winnie the Pewp", trying out new recipes from Pinterest, driving down the country roads of Plant City to Orlando, tons of text messages back and forth to Brianna, Jason sitting at the dinner table at his computer... and a lot of smiles and giggles from my boys.

 

friday five: things I'm way stoked about

My new job. Yeah, I got a new job! Whee! I'm getting paid more, get to wear regular clothes instead of pajamas, and my commute has been shrunk down to just five minutes. Oh, and since it's not in a hospital, my chances of wiping poopy butts are just about nil. Well, unless my kids come to visit me.

My almost-crawler. Brendan is SO CLOSE, people. SO CLOSE. He's figured out how to get on his hands and knees and do the rock. Oh, and he's massively cute, as well has his brother, but that's nothing new.

My fun weekend. Starting tonight with Girls' Night with my double-trouble twin friends and assorted cronies, continuing tomorrow with lunch with my long-lost bosom friend Diana (from whom I get the name of this blog), a cookout with my best girls and their families, and ending with a spectacular Vision Sunday at church - if you are in the Orlando area, you do NOT want to miss a second of Sunday morning! Come join me!

My new toy. Yeah, I got an iPhone. And I'm just way too attached to my technology to put it down, even for a second. I can't believe I waited this long to get it.

My long-sleeved shirt collection. Because fall's coming! (I would say sweater collection, but I own, like, ONE.)