do i hafta?

School starts Monday. And it starts with a bang, the kind of slap-yer-ass welcome I've come to expect from UCF School of Nursing. Before I get too comfortable in the rigors of the semester, I am greeted bright and early on Monday morning with a dosage calculations test: you must pass this with 100% or else be removed from the program. Then, the next two days consist of skills checkoffs: remember all those things you did in the lab, maybe once each, like inserting a foley catheter and trach suctioning? Well, you have to remember and pass those, too, stuff you haven't done in over a month because you were busy doing all those Christmasy/New Year's things (and, for some of us, working our side jobs). Not passing these skills also means your place in the program is jeopardized. Then, at the end of the week, there's a comprehensive psych exam, filled with content you barely understood last semester because the teacher talked rapidly and in hushed tones, and you just couldn't hear her over the girl next to you who would not, in the name of all that is holy, stop pressing the buttons on her cell phone, making all sorts of high-pitched beeps and "woo-woo-woos". If you don't pass this exam, you don't get kicked out, but you are blessed with a mountainload of homework and paperwork on top of an already-crammed semester.

To those of you intimately acquainted with nursing school, I'm sure this is all bringing a smile to your face - or, if you are in the thick of it with me, making you just as anxious as I am. And for you readers not familiar with all of this, yes, it does seem a little extreme and barbaric. I understand the logic behind it all: no one wants the nurse who is bad with decimal places, because there's a big difference between 0.1 mg and 10 mg, and you could potentially kill your patient if your math is off. Still, must we do this all in one week? Sheesh.

I know that these next months will really test the strength and breadth of my inner character: no one said this would be easy, and more than a few people have mentioned how hard nursing school is, particularly when you shove it down into a condensed form like this. And I know that personally, the challenge of these two semesters is a bit greater for me: I'm trying to graduate with a degree, keep my marriage intact, keep my health somewhat intact and at least not undo all the good work I've done so far to lose weight. I have to say how grateful I am for the long runs I take about 3-4 a week, for the ability to just pound the pavement and have great "me" time to think.

For many reasons I cannot fully unfold just yet, Weight Watchers is going on hiatus. Not that I plan to park myself at the nearest Bob Evans and habitually gorge myself, no - I've come too far for that - but the weekly weigh-ins, the night-before panic and deprivation, the sectioning of my weight loss into neat little weekly segments... it's on hold for now. Weight Watchers, like any weight loss program I've done, has always inspired a brand of neuroticism in myself that I don't like, and no matter how much I try and convince myself otherwise, if I do not lose weight one week (or not as much as I think I should), I am despondent and the neurotic thoughts escalate. It's not fun. For now, I'm continuing running because I love it, adding yoga for flexibility and strength, and trying to apply the good principles I've learned regarding food, even when I'm not running to a meeting center each week.