wrapping it all up, by miss grumplestiltskin

Just in time for the holidays, I get to finish NaBloPoMo. And, like the two previous years I've participated, it has officially kicked my butt. I praised the Lord in Heaven for the beautiful, wonderful camera at my disposal, an adorable subject to snap pictures of, and grace that a picture actually counts as a day's entry for blogging purposes. Otherwise, I might have been really clogging up my little cranny of the Internet with mindless landfill material.

I had very much intended to write each day, something deep and personal, something funny and yet profound, and I think I started out well. But by the end, between getting back into the rhythm of full-time work while adding the additional juggling "ball" of a 3 month old boy and everything that comes with that, well... uh, yeah.

So, I end another November, bloggingly exhausted and maybe a little grumpy. But I have a feeling that in another eleven or so months, I'll be gearing up to do it again. For the moment, however, I might take a mini-break from all this blogging, because the daily obligation of it all? Well, my son's face put it best:

thumbs are for sissies

Aidan decided that it was just wrong to only suck your thumb when you've got YOUR WHOLE FIST at your disposal:

five superpowers I would like to have, if I were a cartoon and/or a character on Heroes

1. The ability to make time stand still while I still moved. Think of all the sleep I could catch up on.

2. The ability to fly through the air. I think it's one of many reasons why we love Superman and Spider-man and Batman.

3. The ability to become invisible. Black Friday would be so much more fun that way.

4. The ability to heal anything and everything. I often wish I had this power when I'm at work.

5. The ability to wear spandex and still look hawwwwt. Okay, so not technically a superpower, but it would still be nice.

thirteen reasons I am grateful

1. My wonderful family - those who I share living space with, and those who are worlds away from me. I love them all.

2. My new job - even in the craziest moments, I am still happy to be there.

3. My house - it may be laden with 1970's wood paneling and hide the occasional critter in the roof, but it's ours, and I am grateful for it. I love our house.

4. The delicious dinner that we're only hours away from consuming, most of which I do not have to bake but simply savor and overstuff myself.

5. My beautiful cat, who just got up from her warm spot on the couch to come snuggle next to my leg.

6. My church family at Grace Fellowship - Sunday is always my favorite day of the week because of you.

7. My amazing friends, near and far, who remind me how wonderful life can be and how to laugh from my belly.

8. My Wednesday night group, who sees all the good, bad, and ugly, and still loves me all the more.

9. My amazing little boy, who gets more and more wonderful with every single day.

10. My wonderful husband, who stands by my side and loves me even when I am completely unlovable.

11. My family's good health. Every day I go to work, I am reminded why I never take that for granted.

12. The promise of an amazing year ahead - I can't wait to see what blessings come about.

13. My sweet Abba, always with me, loving me, protecting me, comforting me.

Wishing everyone a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving today!

wordless wednesday: all in an evening

random updates: cheat-of-a-post edition

Thanks to all of you who gave me input - and sweet compliments afterward - about my new hairdo. It was time for a change, and Kim did a great job. Plus, I bought the best hair product ever: this sea spray stuff that makes your hair look all tousled, like you've had a day at the beach except without the matted, post-sea-swim hair.

After reviewing the contents of both my pitiful wardrobe and my husband's much-less-pitiful wardrobe, it's official: our son is much more fashionable than we are. He gets all the latest baby styles; I'm wearing t-shirts from the 90's.

We were planning a summer vacation to Grand Rapids, Michigan, but it looks like we'll be there much sooner than expected: my brother-in-law is getting married in February, and Jason will be an usher. Anyone have any suggestions for winter wedding wear?

New job is going well - I'm learning more about hearts than I ever dreamed possible. I've also discovered, amidst all the delicious homemade baked goods my coworkers keep bringing in (and I keep eating), that I've adopted a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do policy when counseling my patients about their new, heart-healthy diet options.

On that same note, our floor pharmacy keeps an unhealthy stock of Dove chocolates and miniature Reese's in a large drawer by the door. While I was putting an IV in a patient, I jokingly told my preceptor at work that she needed to keep me away from the "pharmacy candy", and my patient gave me this alarmed look. I'm sure he thought I was stealing Percocets.

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, and I've scored another year of not having to make my own turkey. We'll be going to my dad & stepmom's house for the day, and I'm realizing I'm so much more thankful of my food when I don't have to prepare it.

The day after Thanksgiving? I will be giving thanks as I sleep in. I do not do mad-crushing-screaming-mobbing Christmas shopping at 5am at the Store Which Must Not Be Named. No sir. I'll take my Monday-after-Thanksgiving, quietly-economical gift deals online.

luvs my hairdresser

I went to get The Haircut on Friday. I took a picture of number #3 with me to Kim - it got the most votes, including the trumping vote of my dear husband. And here is the result:




This was taken after a long day at work, no less, so just imagine how fabulous it looked in the salon.

are you ready?

Big unveil of new hair tomorrow. I was going to do it tonight but alas, I am too tired. And I want to make you wait JUST one more day.

Off to bed.

goodnight moon

five things I want my children to know before they grow up

1. It's okay to not be happy all of the time. Sometimes, you just need to work out the angries and the unhappies and the cries.

2. Sharing is SO much cooler than hoarding or selfishness.

3. Jesus loves you. NO. MATTER. WHAT. Even more than Mommy & Daddy love you.

4. Forgive generously. No matter how hard it is or how much it hurt or how many times you have to say "I forgive you".

5. Never be afraid to stand up for what you think is right, even if most of the people around you disagree.

(And the honorary #6: Middle C.)

last chance

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. I'm still undecided.

So please, make your voice heard and go vote for my hair. So far, looks like #1 & #3 are top contenders.

Pictures of the before and after to follow.

Love,
me

wordless wednesday: peace

random updates, volume something-or-other

My feet are chilly. This rarely happens in Florida. I love it. Tonight is supposed to be one of the coldest nights of the season, dipping down into the thirties. I know some of you reading this live in northern parts of the world, and you are probably shaking your head and rolling your eyes now, but believe me, this is BIG STUFF for us Floridians. We might even light the fireplace. WHOA.

Cloth diapering continues to be a success. I cannot believe I was so worked up about it before - it is easy peasy. And I love not having to make a last-minute run to Target to pick up a bunch of Pampers while simultaneously emptying my bank account.

I've been getting conflicting, sometimes dubious messages from my candy. On the inside of a candy wrapper, it said, "Sometimes a hug is better than flowers". In the next: "Buy yourself a dozen roses!" Uh, wait a second. Next one: "Go to your special place". Oh, good grief...

The holidays are almost upon us. I haven't written a letter to Santa in over two decades, but if I were to write one now, I'm pretty sure that this would be at the very top of the list. Followed by this.

I'm still mad at Target for the whole Britax car seat escapade. But I couldn't help being irresistibly drawn there today when Jason and I realized that Aidan needed a humidifier. I may be mad with them, but I still love them, and my irritation could never be great enough to force me to shop at The Source of All Things Evil, Slow, and Disorganized.

If you haven't already, you must vote for my new 'do. I'm going on Friday for the big cut; "just a trim" is not an option any more. So exercise your right to vote and decide the fate of my locks.

vote for my hair!

I have an appointment with my hairstylist this Friday. I made this appointment because my hair looks like crap. And it's too long. And Aidan likes to grab it a lot, and that sort of hurts, so I'm going shorter. I want something that doesn't scream "Mom hair", but not something so out there or high maintenance that I can't keep it up. So, I'm asking you, dear readership, to help me decide!

Here's me now:



And here are your options (just the cut - can't afford to color right now):
Option #1


Option #2


different view:


Option #3


different view:


Option #4


So, what do you think? #1, #2, #3, #4? Vote in the comments section and let me know...

for all you Aidan-a-holics

I've finally gotten caught up on his website. We've posted a bunch of new photos that you can download and/or order directly from Shutterfly - their prices are good, and I've always been very, very happy with their service.

Anyhoo, go check it out!

Aidan's Shutterfly website

what a memey Saturday

Yeah, I know. But I worked ALL DAY. It was a good day, but I'm tired, and I need sleep, and I'll think of something better and more original later. Plus, you guys know how much I love memes. Feel free to post your own answers in the comments section, or laugh about how terribly unfashionable I am.

A) What accessories do you wear everyday?
Usually just my wedding rings. When I remember, I'll wear stud earrings to work, cool earrings when I go out. That's about it.

B) What is your beauty routine?
Wow. Just thinking about this makes me realize how un-beauty-routiney I am. Suave shampoo & conditioner, dollop of Big Hair mousse, blow dry, round brush to smooth out. Bare Minerals make-up (THE best!) when I do wear make up: the powder foundation, blush, touch of eye shadow in some neutral color, black mascara, lip gloss. No perfume, as I can't wear it at work and so I forget to wear it when I'm not at work. When I remember, Aveeno SPF 15 brightening moisturizer before all of the makeup, or just on its own. And when I'm breaking out like a teenager - like I am, freakishly and suddenly these days - Neutrogena Acne Spot treatment. And a whole lot of prayer.

C) What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased?
Very cute but very thin t-shirt that has a hand drawn flowering tree that says "fruits of the spirit". You can see right through it, so I have to wear something underneath. But it's very cute.

D) Do you use a dresser, closet, or both?
Both. It's a built-in dresser in the wall, too, which totally saves on space. The closet is pretty roomy, too.

E) What type of earrings are in your ears right now?
None. Sigh. I always forget.

F) What type of figure do you have (measurements)?
I am NOT giving out numbers, but I can tell you that I'm more of an apple shape than the traditional pear womanly shape. And I'm smaller than I have been in a long, long time, ironically, even though I gave birth 3 months ago. Weird, but nice.

G) Do you wear glasses?
Nope. Blessed with perfect vision.

H) What type of handbag do you carry?
This ratty green canvas thing that probably should have been replaced years ago. But I love it.

I) What is your ideal style?
Ideal? Someone would videotape me for What Not to Wear, I would get chosen, and then Stacy would help me pick out a gorgeous, classic, slightly funky new wardrobe. This is a hint to all my friends to get their video cameras, okay?

J) What is your favorite brand of jeans?
Old Navy. They always fit perfectly (as long as I pick the right size) and they make 'em in short lengths.

K) Do you wear knee-hi stockings?
Ugh. NEVER.

L) Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie?
This survey is getting more and more embarrassing. I don't even call it "lingerie", if that answers the question. Matching? No. Clean? Yes. Clean. That's about as far as I take it.

M) Do you wear makeup?
When I'm onstage, on a date with the hubs, on an interview, or am going to visit people who will ask me several times if I'm "feeling okay" and tell me how pale I am if I do not wear makeup.

N) Do you wear nightgowns?
Yes - short cotton stretchy ones that my husband thinks I look totally hot in. And they're way comfy.

O) What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter's day?
Winter? What's that? Okay, I do find myself in cold weather, so my charcoal grey peacoat, long oversized pink scarf tied in a cool knot, charcoal grey gloves if I need them. I usually don't need more than that.

P) What is your favorite perfume?
Clinique Simply was my all-time favorite, but they discontinued it. Boo. Thierry Mugler's Angel, Elizabeth Arden Pleasures, and Bath & Body Works' Mango Mandarin body spray round out the ones I can still buy.

Q) Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories?
Absolutely.

R) Do you wear rain boots?
Nope.

S) Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold?
Socks... but I am a Florida girl, so my feet are forever in flip-flops. No socks needed.

T) Do you have a set of travel luggage?
I do, but it was some cheapo set I picked up on clearance at Target. Not very fashionable.

U) What is your daily uniform?
Jeans, t-shirt. In colder weather, I am totally doing the long-tshirt-under-short-tshirt look with jeans. Sometimes, I'll add a jacket. Or I'll just be wearing scrubs.

V) If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair?
Married. Did the half-up, half-down deal with my hair, and wore a beautiful custom-made veil with it.

W) Do you wear a watch?
Cheap pink plastic watch from Target only when I'm at work.

X) What item of clothing always makes you feel beautiful?
A burgundy dress with large lighter-burgundy flower print on it - high neck, drapey back. It's my perfect dress-up dress, except for that a) the hem just started to come loose and b) I've worn it so much that it's lost its appeal, I think. Need to find a new dress.

Y) What is your favorite type of yarn?
Cashmere, what Kathleen said.

Z) Do you prefer zippers or buttons?
Zippers, please.

five baby products I could not live without

1. bumGenius One-Size Diapers. Yes, I've mentioned them several times in the past few days, but truly, these are awesome diapers. I think what I like best about them is their ability to absorb Niagara Falls and still have a dry top layer. None of my disposables were ever able to do that. The initial cost of buying these little suckers is dear - about $18 a diaper brand-new, unless you score some second-hand ones on a website like Diaperswappers. But the investment is so, so worth it, and you end up saving hundreds of dollars over the long run by not using disposables. And I may be concerned about the environment, sure, but above all, I AM CHEAP. So that's what speaks to me.

2. Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe swaddlers. Jason and I call these the "baby straitjackets". We have several, but our favorites are the fleece ones. Aidan often had a hard time calming down when he was a brand-new newborn, mostly because the sight of his arms flailing about got him worked up - he hadn't made the connection that those waving appendages were actually his own. And the more worked up he got, the more they flew around, which got him even more worked up... well, you get the picture. Wrapping him up in a swaddler calmed him down instantly, kept him warm (we make our house freezing at night), and help him to sleep through the night. We only use them at night now, but somehow, Aidan know that when they go on, it's his cue to head off to Nod for at least 7-8 hours. Brilliant.

3. Kolcraft Universal Car Seat Carrier. You can't really tell by the picture, but the basket down below? HUGE. Absolutely ginormous. Which is why I absolutely love this carrier. Aidan rides in his car seat (a Graco SafeSeat, in case you wanted to know) to the store, the mall, wherever I need to shop, and then I pull this baby out, stick his car seat right on top, fasten a buckle, and off we go. Unless I am making a HUGE amount of grocery purchases, everything ends up fitting in the basket underneath. Plus, there's a cupholder tray, and the whole thing is super-dooper easy to fold and unfold. It holds pretty much every car seat on the market, and it fits into the trunk of my compact car quite easily - way less bulky than the strollers that come with some travel systems.

4. Zippered pajamas. I happen to love the ones that Carter's makes, like this one, but there are lots of different brands out there - I've found some super-cute ones at Target lately. The reason I love these over onesies, gowns, and even buttoned pajamas is how EASY these are to open up. When it's 3am and I'm half-dead with exhaustion and I don't want to turn on the light to change Aidan, these are the easiest way to get to his poopy diaper: zip down, change diaper, zip up. Buttons provide too many opportunities for disaster (it WILL bother me in the middle of the night if I see the buttons don't line up), onesies don't keep him warm enough, and the elastic at the bottom of the gowns was often too tight to lift up without cutting off circulation somewhere.

5. Evenflo Purely Comfi bottles. Apparently, BPA is slowly killing us all and causing all of the world's major diseases. These bottles are BPA-free, so I can spend my nights worrying about other things. Plus, they're inexpensive ($10 for 3), come in some awesome colors, have cool bulbous silicone nipples, and can be found at pretty much any major big box store, like Tar-jay and Walmart. We've used them from the beginning without any problem. They come in 6 oz and 9 oz sizes; we have a combination of both sizes, and that's worked well, as Aidan tends to drink more in the morning and nighttime and less during the afternoon. Both sizes are super-lightweight, so I guess you could use the 9 oz exclusively.

What are your favorite baby/kids items?

follow-up: the diaper escapade

I really, really wanted to cloth diaper Aidan. I had totally planned on it. I bought a bunch of really cute cloth diapers, cloth wipes, wet bags, and wipe solution. I was SO set.

Then I gave birth.

Then I temporarily went insane.

And when I came to, I realized that trying to cloth diaper felt like one more huge pressure of motherhood. You know, pressure to be the perfect parent. And I am not a perfect anything, so to ease up and be gentle with myself, I went out and bought a package of Pampers Swaddlers. Oh, the guilt washing over me was great, yea, but when I opened up that first package of disposables, smelled the sweet powdery scent, and saw how well they fit, how trim Aidan looked, how little I had to deal with actual poop... I promptly forgot all guilt and fell in love.

I have to admit: for being little earth-killing, landfill-producing pieces of papers, those little buggers are AWESOME.

But I still had my supply of cloth diapers in a drawer. And I had promised myself I'd give them the old college try eventually.

I had sold my original cloth diaper stash to a friend, but my brother had given us a few of these diapers by Thirsties. The name sounded promising, the colors bright and adorable. But they leaked. I couldn't seem to get all the stains out. And my baby boy ended up with a wet bum no matter what I did. Grrrr.

Back to my softly-scented earth-stabbers.

And then Shannon let me try some bumGenius one-size diapers. I was skeptical there, too: could one size REALLY fit all? Would they leak as well? Would Aidan like them?

Aidan most definitely liked them:



They didn't leak. They fit him beautifully. The stains washed right out, even after a nasty big poo. And they are way, way easy. No folding. No blowouts. No weirdness. Plus, Shannon included a bottle of Baby Moon Juice, which is basically rich, oil-based soap concentrate that you dilute to make wipe solution. This stuff has patchouli somewhere in it, I know it, because every time I smell it, I'm totally back in high school at all the RenFaires I used to go to with the Drama Club and the incense sticks I brought home from them. Ah, memories.

I still have a box of Swaddlers by his changing table - THEY SMELL SO GOOD - but I am now officially a cloth diapering momma. I've got the disposables on standby for traveling, laundry emergencies (aka Anne forgets to do the laundry), and the skeptical babysitter. But that's about it.

I'm going to go hug a tree now.

wordless wednesday: cloth diapering = epic SUCCESS!

the delicious kindness of friends

When Jason and I first brought Aidan home from the hospital, our church organized a group of women to cook us several dinners, brought every other day so that we would not have to worry about making dinner every night when parenthood was still such a fresh task for us.

I had to admit, I was a little skeptical about the kind of food we would get. I mean, we've ALL been to a potluck where there's always that one casserole-looking dish that no one touches, except for maybe the cook herself. No one knows what it is. No one dares to figure it out, and instead they go for the baked ziti or a dessert or something. Surely we would receive a mystery dish somewhere in there.

Thankfully, we were wrong. EVERY dish was delish. Even the food that was clearly store-prepared was chosen with superior taste. Even better, every dish came with dessert. SCORE.

One dish, however, stood out way above the rest. We received it, devoured it, and I immediately begged the cook for the recipe, and she happily obliged. I know it wasn't her original recipe, but I don't care: it is HER recipe. And because I want to share the joy, here it is, the delight of my taste buds.

Kathy Fox's Addictive Chicken Pot Pie
Serves 4-6 (or one really hungry postpartum woman and her husband)

Filling:
2 lbs chicken, cooked until just done & cut into bite-sized pieces
1 cup frozen peas and carrots
1 can cream of chicken soup (don't use fat-free kind)
1 cup chicken broth
Cooking spray

Topping:
1-1/2 cups buttermilk
1-1/2 cups self-rising flour (don't use all-purpose flour = epic fail)
1-1/2 cups melted butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

For filling: Combine cream of chicken soup and chicken broth in bowl, set aside briefly. Layer cooked cubed chicken and peas/carrots in a 13x9 dish sprayed lightly with cooking spray; pour soup/broth mixture over this. Voila.

For topping: Mix buttermilk and self-rising flour together until smooth with no lumps. Stir in melted butter until smooth. (Note: it is so important not to add the butter until the buttermilk and flour have been mixed fully together - otherwise, the mixture becomes too thick to pour. Not sure why, but just trust me on this.) Pour over top of filling evenly; use spatula to smooth out and spread to edges.

Pop into oven and cook at 350 degrees for 1 hour, or until top is nicely golden brown.

Enjoy!

my cup overfloweth with love and joy

I don't remember life without Aidan, but man, it must have been boring. I mean, how much fun can life be without spit bubbles?



Or post-feed funny faces as he tries to work out the excess gas?



Or his utterly kissable sweet cheeks?



He certainly knows how to hang in the 'hood...



...and how to charm the socks off even the coldest of heart.



I love you and all your amazing moments, Sweet Pea.

this is armageddon, I know it.

Lots of people are saying that it's a new day:



But I tell you: THE END IS NEAR.



Because if there's any person alive who can not scream with terror but instead SMILE with that THING on their face, and if there's a possibility that I ever might encounter that, that... five-inch hissing THING either in my lawn, in my kitchen, or *shudders* ON MY FACE, I'm pretty sure that THAT, not policy reversals, marks the end of the world as we know it.

Augggghhhhh....

(PS - the girl in that photo looks suspiciously like my friend Lotus from Sarcastic Mom, but I know she would never, ever, EVER do that to me...)

90 days

Happy three month birthday, Aidan!



I love you, bud. You are the bestest.

why we should all go home a little early on Fridays

Actual conversation overheard yesterday at the Starbucks "booth" at work between hospital-employed barista who wanted nothing more than to go home as it was 4:57 p.m. on a Friday, and idling, indecisive customer:

(Barista): "Yes ma'am. What can I get for you?"

(Customer): "Hmmm. I don't know. Hmmm. I can never make up my mind on coffee..."

"Can I suggest anything for you, maybe?"

"Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm."

(several seconds of exasperated silence)

"Ma'am?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

(several more seconds of silence and impatient looks)

"Would you like a few more minutes to decide, ma'am?"

"No. Hmmmmmmm." (reads sign on counter) "Toffee Nut Latte... hmmm. What's that like?"

"Well, ma'am, it's like a latte... that's flavored with toffee nut."

"Really. Wow."

five places I want to see

1. China. I may get to do this sooner than I originally expected.

2. Paris. Because no self-proclaimed hopeless romantic should ever miss out on the chance to kiss their beloved at the Eiffel Tower.

3. Jerusalem. God is everywhere, all the time, I know, but I want to place my bare feet on Holy Ground, where Jesus walked and lived and changed the world forever.

4. Grand Rapids, Michigan. I can't travel back in time to live in Jason's childhood, but he can take me to see the places and the people that meant so much to him.

5. Heaven. But I'd really like to see places #1-4 first. :-)

where anne completely alienates herself, ends up with no friends, and dies alone

I'm going to do it. I'm going to talk politics. And GOD. In the SAME POST.

Oh my.

Over the past couple of days, as the polls closed and the numbers poured in and the blue outweighed the red, I've heard mostly strong reactions from my friends. Some are elated. Some say they need a strong, stiff drink. Some called Tuesday night "fantastic and historic" and used words like "hope" and "change". Some are convinced our country is going to hell in a handbasket.

I've heard all the arguments. I've heard all the reasons why I'm a bad Christian if I vote for Obama, or why I'm a bad Christian if I vote for McCain. I've read all sorts of articles, speech transcripts, and even Scripture supporting or opposing the candidates. I've heard someone claim that Jesus himself would not vote for Obama. I've heard McCain repeatedly called "McSame". And above all, I've heard a universal decry of hate against Bush and his performance in office over the past 8 years.

I'm TIRED of it. I'm so glad this election is over.

Why? Because as a Christian, I am told over and over again not to trust in man, but to trust in Him. And yet, I see so many Christians forgetting the sovereignty of God and allowing despair to overtake them because the candidate they voted for did not win Tuesday night. My wise husband noted this on his blog today:

Several friends on social networks have made updates similar to "despite the election results, trusting in the sovereignty of God." If the election had turned out differently, would you have made that statement today? We often make that kind of statement when we are in the middle of circumstances we see as BAD. The fact is, God is in control no matter who is president. If McCain had won, we would still need to trust in the sovereignty of God. Don't put your trust in princes, but in the King of Kings.

I won't lie: I'm kind of jazzed that Obama won. I like him. I do believe that he'll be a positive force in our country and even our world. If you want to know why I supported Obama in this election, you can read articles like this one and this one and this one and, from the horse's mouth himself, this one.

But I could very well be wrong. I'm very aware of that. Frankly, both candidates had positions on issues opposite of my own beliefs. There was no perfect candidate, and there never will be.

Though it is a daily exercise I must do, and often do not accomplish as much as I would like, I choose to put my total faith in God. I vote to the best of my knowledge, and the rest... the rest I have to put in His hands, regardless of whether my chosen candidate wins or loses.

Though I am hopeful in our President-elect and his abilities, I do not put all my trust in him. I do not see him as the salvation of America. I see him as a man who has inherited a HUGE amount of responsibility. A man greatly in need of our prayers.

And I'll be the first to admit, when I see the economy taking a huge nose-dive, when homes all around me are falling into foreclosure, when dear friends of mine work so hard and yet still cannot afford to buy groceries, when our soldiers continue to die overseas, when decent healthcare becomes less and less affordable, when government continues to spew out corruption and greed... I want to blame someone. And I want someone to come in and fix it. And I want to hope with all my might that someone charismatic enough, smart enough, educated enough, and honest enough would come in and save the day. I look to man and not to God. But He is always on the throne, no matter who is President. Even if we voted for a totally corrupt, ignorant, atheistic moron, God is still sovereign. He is still in control. He is bigger than any man or woman we elect into office. He is GOD. And He will always save the day.

I'm tired of the divisiveness among us. I'm tired of feeling as though I have to defend my choice for President in order to prove my worth as a Christian, particularly in the hot-spot issues of abortion and homosexuality. I'm tired of holding my tongue and deliberately evading the "who ya votin' for?" question because I'm just too overwhelmed with life in general to get sucked into a heated political argument. I'm tired of listening to people tearing each other apart in the name of "justice" and politics. I watched, recently, as two friends literally ripped each other to shreds on Facebook, complete with some horrid name-calling and personal attacks, because they were voting for different candidates. It was completely obvious that they would need to "agree to disagree", but instead, they just wouldn't let up. They kept verbally prodding each other, insisting on their own righteousness, only to further inflame the other person. It was bordering on the ridiculous and would have almost been funny had they not been throwing their faith into the argument as well. It broke my heart, because it's the same scene that's been playing out all over the country for so long.

I pray that we can go out into the world and speak of Jesus with the same fervent optimism and passion as I've heard many people speak of their presidential candidate of choice. I pray that we would not let politics compartmentalize, falsely categorize, and divide us, but that we would stand united with humility and compassion and not allow the circumstances of this world - political or otherwise - dictate whether we were in despair or jubilation. Our President-elect, though granted great responsibility and power, is only human. He is only a man, one man. If we put all our hope in Barack Obama, or any other President, we will inevitably be disappointed, let down, failed.

Our God reigns, forever and ever. He is constant. He is sovereign. He is the God of love, of justice, of life eternal. And He will never, ever be voted out.

And He LIVES, my dear friends. Go out into the world, dance in the streets, throw the parades, and proclaim the Good News.

wordless wednesday: how we do

Despite him having been born to the whitest parents in America, I'm proud to say Aidan now knows how to roll in da hood.

where anne eats her foot

Jason opened the door last night to a good friend of ours who was bringing over a late baby gift. We welcomed her in, showed her around, let her see our sleeping son all snuggled in his blanket, chewed the fat.

She gave us a beautifully-wrapped box.

On the top of the box was a small sachet of Pee Pee Tee Pees. Totally awesome.

In the box was a wipe warmer. The EXACT wipe warmer we have.

There are moments where you must make a split-second decision about how you'll react. I was, of course, completely touched by the gift. I was also feeling stupid because I clearly had not updated my registry, thinking we wouldn't be getting any more gifts after I had my baby shower. I was also thinking another wipe warmer would be extremely useful over at my dad's place. I was ALSO wondering which one of these many sentiments I should display in front of our friend, as she was eagerly watching my reaction as I opened the box.

That's just too much thinking for me, kids. My brain completely short-circuited.

"Oh, we LUVVVV it!" I cooed. "Aidan won't have to deal with cold wipes anymore!"

There were smiles. There was more conversation. And then Jason did it:

"Oh, you have to see the nursery. It looks so great."

And so we traipsed off to Aidan's room. And after we all admired the wall colors, the adorable crib set, the bear-themed blanket over the matching glider, we saw the existing wipe warmer. And smiles faded.

Sigh.

And tons of excuses followed. Because really, we were excited about the second warmer, but do you really want to announce at the gift opening that, oh, sorry, already have this? No, of course not. But now it looked like we had totally lied. And suddenly our friend announced that she REAALLY should get going, and bye thanks for the gift, and she ran out the door.

Le sigh.

where anne completely reveals her dorky musical side

Most of you who know me know that I spent a substantial portion of my young adulthood pursuing a career as a professional opera singer. Sort of, anyway. I made it about as far as grad school, and realized that the idea of having a career largely dependent on other peoples' opinions of me was my personal idea of hell. Entertaining a crowd and singing my heart out was one thing, but all those music critics and judgmental professors and opera fanatics who tear apart every single performance? Nuh-uh. So that was sort of a discouraging factor in the process. I was so insecure about myself, my voice, my potential... there was no way I'd survive the first bad review or harsh comment, I thought.

Then there was the question of the Fach. No, it's not a dirty word, I promise: your Fach is your vocal classification, like "coloratura soprano" or "dramatic tenor". All through my vocal training, everyone I knew seemed to fall so easily into a vocal category, repertoire was easy to pick, roles assigned easily. Me? Not so much. I've been called many different things: lyric mezzo, dramatic soprano still needing to fully mature into my voice, lyric soprano with a stunted high range, and "I don't know what you are." Soprano arias scared the bejeezus out of me because I always had High-Note-Itis: attempting anything higher than a high B-flat made my throat inexplicably choke up and tighten, frustrating my teachers and leaving me in tears. Mezzo arias... well, they were considerably less scary as they contained way fewer high notes, but I always sounded like a soprano singing mezzo arias because I had no high notes, which may have been true. I didn't have that rich coloring and weight in my voice I always thought was necessary to really sing mezzo roles, even the higher, lighter ones. So I was stuck.

And then there were a bunch of other little things: running out of money to pay for my lessons and coachings, seeing friends in the business struggle and live from paycheck to paycheck (which I was already doing, really, but I didn't want to anymore), thinking about my future and seeing nothing but dark fog and a huge question mark, and also feeling like EVERYONE was more talented than I was. (Yeah, I know. I had issues.)

So I stopped the pursuit, mourned the loss of a huge dream, and tried to move on with my life. I abandoned the thought of ever singing before an audience at any opera house, major or obscure, and concentrated on taking a completely different career path. Eventually, I dropped out of the local Bach choir, left the weekend church choir where I was a (meagerly) paid soloist, didn't reaudition for the local opera chorus, and stopped thumbing through music books looking for pieces to sing and learn. Even as I type this now, I can look to my left and see a huge load of classical vocal CDs, filled with the voices of my mentors and idols, that have collected dust and gone mostly unlistened to over the past 7-8 years. I've tried to listen to them and not have my heart filled to overflowing with longing and the realization of a very broken dream, but it usually doesn't happen that way. Even the purely instrumental and orchestral pieces make me fervently wish I'd stuck with the violin or piano lessons.

I still sing. Not like I used to, though. The style of singing I find myself doing on Sunday mornings is leagues away from the world of Mozart, Brahms, and Strauss. I am singing the sort of music I know many of my classical-singing friends would have turned stomachs over, and even now, I still feel like I'm searching for my voice, still trying to figure out the instrument inside of me. I still don't know what the heck kind of voice I have, and I've nearly given up trying to figure it out. Our worship team leader said to me once, "I don't know what to do with your voice." And I don't remember what I said to him at the time, but I probably just shrugged my shoulders and sighed, because I've heard that so, so many times in my life and I *still* don't know what to say to it. Sorry I'm so difficult. Sorry I do not have an easily-categorized, compartmentalized voice, people.

Today, I've been hanging out with Aidan. I've turned off the TV, pulled up my laptop with all my music on it, plugged it into our nice speakers, and just started singing along. Aidan was completely mesmerized - turns out I'm more of a hit than those two blond chicks from Baby Einstein. I started out singing some pop stuff to him, and then I switched over to a snippet from Brahms' German Requiem - here's a video of one of my vocal heroes, Barbara Bonney, singing what I sung to Aidan:



Aidan loved it. I sang it to him a few times. It felt so good to be singing like that again. And suddenly, I was back there again, back in that old dream, and that longing to finally have a voice that does things right resurfaced. And I wished that, just once, I could sing that very piece, in front of an audience with an orchestra behind me, no High Note-Itis, all the required breath control (and that song needs three lungs). And it was too difficult not to cry a little and wish for the things that might have been.

I don't know if I'll ever see that dream realized this side of heaven. And I don't have a deep, profound resolution to this story... yet. I'm still working on that. In the meantime, though, I think I'll try and see how it feels to reconnect with a lost part of myself, and maybe even discover the joy in a voice that isn't so easily categorized and has a unique sound all its own.

"And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you." John 16:22 (English translation of part of the lyrics of the above piece)

my funny face

whoops... almost

It's 10pm, November 1. I just now remembered that today starts National Blog Posting Month, also affectionately referred to as NaBloPoMo. It's a challenge to bloggers everywhere: post something every day for a month. That's it.

And, in the spirit of just-in-the-nick-of-time blogging, I wish you all a happy NaBloPoMo, and encourage all my bloggy friends to participate with me. You still have a couple of hours left...