eating for two

I've had several times in my life where I've kept a food diary, usually as part of a class, school assignment, or in some effort to lose weight and eat better. It was always revealing, usually humbling, and sometimes highly amusing, highlighting my food cravings like a gigantic yellow Sharpie pen.

(Actually, I'd usually end up doctoring the diaries, especially if I was going to show them to someone, even more so if I was going to get a grade out of them. I knew how I was supposed to eat, but I just didn't, so I would spend ten or fifteen minutes creating the diet I knew I should have, with some carefully placed "indulgences" so that it didn't look like I'd fudged it. Consequently, I got great grades/remarks, earned the nutritional praise of whomever I was trying to impress, and never lost any weight.)

If I would have kept a diary of my food intake since the beginning of this pregnancy, I still think it would be revealing, humbling, probably sobering, and amusing still. Some things I have done right: I've not had one drop of alcohol, I've kept my caffeine intake to the bare minimum, and I have not eaten things like raw cookie dough or fresh sushi or tuna steaks or Brie even though I LOVE ALL THOSE FOODS. So I get an A+ for toxic food avoidance, right?

Other things... well, I don't know. I'll probably earn the ire of every mommy reading this (all, like, TWO of you) when I tell you that I have not been good about taking my prenatal vitamins. There. I said it. It's out there. They make me violently ill, even the fruity chewable Flintstone and the slightly tasty chocolatey chewable Viactiv ones. In fact, any pill makes me gag uncontrollably as I take it, makes me feel mildly nauseous right after I take it, and then makes me want to hurl exactly 45 minutes to one hour after I take it. This never happened before pregnancy - I always prided myself on my ability to swallow any pill, no matter how foul or big, with minimal fluids and no gag - but it's here now. I've heard every piece of advice and hint imaginable, including but not limited to: take it right before you go to sleep, take it on a full stomach, take it on an empty stomach, take it with applesauce, and the ever-popular "did-you-ask-the-doctor-for-something" question, followed quickly by the "is-there-anything-he/she-said-you-can-take" question? To the first question: YES, I HAVE ASKED. MANY TIMES. To the second question: NO, THERE IS NOT, as the existing anti-nausea medications out there are only in pill form, at least for those of us not hospitalized.

My friend Rachel tells me that preggy women tend to crave the nutrients their bodies need the most, so in addition to chewing on well-fortified cereals a lot (and occasionally torturing myself out of massive mommy guilt with the occasional prenatal vitamin and subsequent nausea), I've tried to listen to what I'm craving. At first, I tried to eat what I thought I should be eating, like a fresh salad. Except that a couple of hours after I had that salad, I entered the bathroom and didn't come out for a good 45 minutes. And kept visiting. Often. It might have been that particular salad, but it left a pretty strong aversion to anything green and leafy. After a few more attempts at meals like that, I threw my hands up and said FORGET IT. Clearly, my body is not liking what I am doing, so I'm going to eat what it is asking for.

What has it been asking for lately?

CHEESE.

You could have probably guessed that, given my recent rhapsodic post about the blue box and macaroni and cheese in general. Shortly after that, I purchased a loaf of honey oat bread AND a stack of white American cheese and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich. "Grilled" might be a loose term, as it was actually pan-fried in a cast-iron skillet with cooking spray and a little butter. But oh, was it good. And whenever Jason asks me what I would like for dinner and gives me possible suggestions, I always think, is there cheese somewhere in there? And generally, if the answer is yes, then it's for dinner. That food diary I mentioned earlier? It would show grilled cheeseburgers, grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, some sort of pasta and marinara with cheese, and pizza (with cheese, of course) over the past 2-3 weeks.

My stomach has been happy with this arrangement. And there seems to be much truth to what Rachel told me, as I recently read that our baby's skeleton, previously made up of rubbery cartilage, is now busy turning into real bones over the last few weeks. You know, bones that need CALCIUM.

And the most unusual twist of this whole food saga? I weigh exactly the same now, at 18 weeks along, as I did before I got pregnant. All my clothes are mucho tight around the waist, the girls are growing like they are preparing to feed not one baby but the entire U.S. Armed Forces, and I am still the same weight. My face is thinner, confirmed not just by my own reflection in the mirror, but several comments from friends and family. I have not exercised (yes, another point of criticism - tsk away if you must). I have not tried to lose weight. I have eaten a LOT of cheese. And red meat. And assorted other foods that aren't low in fat. It's actually almost disturbing, except that I know it's only temporary, and in a few short months, I'll feel like the Goodyear blimp and waddle around, wishing for smaller days.