why, hello there

Yeah, I've been away. I could pepper you with lots of lame excuses, but I won't, except to say that I'm back and I've missed you all.

Jason, Aidan, and I are taking our first official vacation as a family: we're up here in Greenville, South Carolina, home to some amazing BBQ and beautiful scenery. We came up here in March for Unleash '09, and we liked it so much, we thought it would be a nice idea to come up with our ten month old son and spend a few relaxing days doing a whole lot of nothing.

Did I just use the words "ten month old" and "relaxing" and "doing nothing" in the same sentence? You bet I did. Did we accomplish that? You bet we DIDN'T.

Not that it hasn't been a blast so far. I've eaten far more Spill the Beans ice cream than my fast-disappearing waistline can afford, slept on a luxe king-sized featherbed, watched my fill of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and Real Housewives of New Jersey (hello? overturning tables? WOW.), enjoyed a ton of Southern hospitality, sat atop the highest summit east of the Mississippi River, and went on some amazingly scenic drives. Jason and I are already talking about coming back here sometime during the changing of the leaves some October and driving the Blue Ridge Parkway again. God's creation is truly glorious, and no place proves it more than the mountains.

However, we have found that travel gets, well... complicated when you add an infant-almost-toddler into the mix. Aidan's always been a bit of a homebody, so taking him out of his usual environment has been a bit stressful on him. The first day, I think he was thinking we were on some sort of long day trip, and for the most part, he was all smiles with only a few tears, and lots of long naps in the car. Day two, however, was definitely a TRAVEL: FAIL kind of day, culminating in the most explosive, poopiest diaper I have ever seen. It was all over his clothes, front and back. It was Aidan's nonverbal way of communicating, People, I am not comfortable with this getup, and so I will rule you with my bowels. The benevolent dictator was displeased with his servants.

And since then, it's been a frantic journey of catering to this little man's needs, with varied degrees of success. We found ourselves having a glorious moment at the top of Mount Mitchell, 6000 feet above civilization, only to realize that Aidan's feeding time was upon us and we were totally out of formula and about an hour away from anyplace civilized enough to carry formula for him. Oddly, this was the one moment during vacation that he actually voiced any hunger at all - most of the time, it's been a struggle to get him to take his bottle. And that explosive poo that caught us by surprise on day two? By day four, all we could think about was that he hadn't pooed since the Big Poo. It's always a pleasant vacation when the subject dominating your thoughts revolves around your children's defecation schedule.

And so here we are, spending one last full day in Greenville before heading to Atlanta, sitting in our favorite coffeehouse with a little Grumplepants. It's been hard work, and I never thought I would say this, but you know, it's been worth it. It's hard to explain, but even with all the tears and the fusses and the diaper incidents, I'm so glad I got to experience all of this with my family, all together. There have been plenty of smiles and giggles and fun little nonsense babbles that have made all the difficult moments completely worth it. Traveling down the country's most scenic road with good tunes while your son makes fart sounds with his mouth from the backseat? Priceless.

Still, I think I'm gonna need a vacation from my vacation. That kid is wearing me out.

portrait of me, the INFP

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

written impossible

I love Cookie Monster, and I love PBS for this:

interview

Interview questions courtesy of the lovely Janet of Love is Blonde:

1. What are three things I could pretty much always find in your fridge?
--We are never without ice cream, ever, and usually we have multiple flavors. Also, you can always find Coke. Sadly, we almost always have something spoiled and completely inedible...

2. What was the first concert you ever attended?
--Classical: The National Symphony in Washington D.C. when I was nine. Nonclassical: Seeing Toad the Wet Sprocket (with a then-unknown band to open called The Gin Blossoms) at Rollins College. I got to meet Glen Phillips afterwards. He was so awesome and cute. I was a total dork.

3. What quality do you love most in your husband? (I keep asking this to everyone, but I am expecting sweet answers!)
--He really "gets" me, more than anyone else, ever. After spending our first date talking all night long, I knew I would marry him.

4. What is your favorite flower?
--I love Sterling Silver roses the best, but any rose (as long as it isn't orange) is perfectly lovely to me.

5. When was the last time you felt a major rush of adrenaline?
--The last time I had a patient at work totally go to crap on me and I was afraid I'd have to call a code on the guy. Thankfully, he pulled out of it...

Leave a comment below if you would like me to "interview" you!

grace in small things 1/31/09

1. Fage 2% Greek yogurt with strawberries... and I normally don't care for yogurt.

2. My favorite pair of broken-in, super-soft jeans.

3. Lunch with Jason at Hot Dog Heaven. This should count as two things because it is lunch at Hot Dog Heaven with my main squeeze AND it means I have the day off from work.

4. Sweater weather.

5. Dreams so ridicuously vivid and surreal that leave me thinking about God all day.

grace in small things 1/30/09

1. Aidan snuggling on my shoulder when he gets tired and ready for his nap
2. Getting to sleep in on my day off
3. Freshly baked sourdough rolls
4. Finding out one of my favorite websites is up and running again - yay!
5. Awesome friends moving just a few blocks away from us

five things I was doing ten years ago

1. Auditioning at several conservatories, including one in New Jersey where I spent the evening before the audition consuming an entire bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs in an overpriced hotel out of nervousness.

2. Spent an entire summer crashing at my cousin's apartment in NYC. I still miss New York, as well as the unfettered dreaming of all that I could professionally accomplish.

3. Cutting my waist-length hair to shoulder-length, much to the delight of both myself and my hairstylist. (Internet, had I not been more resolute, I might have ended up with a buzzcut, he was so thrilled to chop off those locks)

4. Vowing I would probably never get married... and DEFINITELY wouldn't be having any kids.

5. Nearly failing my senior year, last-semester chemistry class because I thought it was crap and so was the professor. Didn't think that I might need it later...

And you? (Don't make me tag you.)

Fellow Orlandonians, I need your help!

(Uh, Orlando-ites? Orlandans? I have no idea. Whatever. If the name even remotely identified you, then I'm talkin' to ya.)

My fellow blogger Janet of Love is Blonde is coming down to Orlando and (mainly) Disney World for the first time as an adult. Below, I'm giving her my best recommendations as one of the natives here, but YOU! You can also help! Leave her (er, me) a comment below for your recommendations, whether they are the best place you know of for fabulous sushi, your insider tips/tricks for sucessfully navigating Disney, or anything else you think is a must-see for a visitor.

(I know, I know: I could have simply linked to her post and had you comment THERE, but then I'd never get around to reading all of your fabulous tips, and I'm really feeling greedy and wanting to see how many comments I can generate, maybe more than, like, FOUR.)

Okay - here are my tips and tricks for Orlando:

--Best place for real Irish food and beer: Fiddler's Green. You must go. It's going to be north of Orlando in my old digs of Winter Park, right next to Rollins College. They have live music on weekend nights, and there's always a party crowd on weekends, too. They have about a zillion yummy beers on tap (my favorite, Strongbow, is among them) and the food - well, EVERYTHING is delicious. Some of my favorites are the fish & chips, bangers & mash, and just about the most delicious cheeseburgers in town (no, not Irish, but damn good still). If you happen to catch the Wyndbreakers as the band, do go, and have an Irish car bomb on me. :-)

--Best local place for dogs & fries: Hot Dog Heaven. This is also north of the Disney area, in east Orlando, right near the corner of Colonial (50) and Semoran (436). It's not a fancy place, but it is packed nearly every day at lunch, and for good reason: you can get delicious Chicago hot dogs and THE BEST FRENCH FRIES EVER here. I am not a hot dog person - I cannot stand Oscar Meyer - but every Saturday, my mouth starts to water and I want to come here. Get a souvenir mug with $.35 refills.

--Best fun place to stop on International Drive: the outlet malls (scattered everywhere - you'll see them as you drive down I-4) and Cafe Tu Tu Tango, a Spanish-themed tapas restaurant that also showcases local artists and has cool people come in like palm readers, belly dancers, and other assorted wildlife ;-) The food is all good - be forewarned that they actually charge you for refills on your sodas, but don't forget to order a decanter of their famous sangria, too.

--Best mall: The Millenia Mall. All sorts of shops from high-end (Cartier) to the common (Gap) and - my favorite - a great Apple store.

--Best insider tip for Disney: when you go to Epcot, you won't want to miss the ride "Soarin'", located inside the Land pavilion. Be forewarned, though: the wait to get on it is consistently between 90-120 minutes, and they aren't exaggerating. Here's what to do: get there first thing in the AM. Go and get a "fast pass" for the ride, and it will have you return later in the day in a MUCH shorter line (think 10 minutes instead of 2 hours). This is also a good strategy at the Magic Kingdom for rides like Space Mountain and Splash Mountain, and also at Animal Kingdom for Everest. Pirates of the Caribbean, oddly, never has this problem.

--Best places to eat in Disney: I don't know about Magic Kingdom, but at Epcot, there are two restaurants - Le Cellier steakhouse (in the Canada pavilion) and The Rose & Crown (in the England pavilion). Both are more $$ than the average Disney fare, and you'll want to make reservations if you want to eat at either, because they book up quickly (I'd call at least a day ahead). I'd actually recommend Fiddler's Green over the Rose & Crown, if you can swing the drive, but if not, you'll enjoy the food there. And Le Cellier has some of the tastiest soft pretzel sticks ever, along with the rest of the delicious food.

Okay, now I'm realizing all of my recommendations are places to EAT. Heh. Oh, wait! One more!

--Best place to go to the beach: New Smyrna Beach - it's about an hour away on I-4 heading east. Less crowded than Daytona (about ten minutes farther east on I-4) and just as lovely. While you're there, go eat delish seafood at JB's Fish Camp, grab a soft serve at Frozen Gold (*drooling*), and walk up and down Flagler Avenue for some fun shops on the "boardwalk" (er, street, but it kinda looks boardwalk-y).

Your turn! Tell Janet the places you love to go in the Orlando area.

bread of life

I love bread in a serious, undying sort of way. If you were to offer me the world's best chocolate bar or a loaf of freshly baked bread, the bread would win, no contest.

(Actually, I would probably take both and make some kind of chocolate croissant thing. Ohhhh.)

Bread is the first thing I think of when I'm hungry and trying to think of what to eat. Bread is a ubiquitous staple in my diet; I have bread at pretty much every meal. And about the only bread I don't like is my the kind my mom eats, the kind that has nuts in it, though I've been known to eat that if it's all we have around the house. Bread is usually the only thing I will eat in the morning, since it's the only food that my sensitive morning stomach can handle. My favorite scent, aside from my son's head, is baking bread. There's a bakery just a couple blocks upwind of the hospital where I work, and in the mornings, it's all you can smell throughout the entire campus: fresh bread.

And today, when I found myself starving at 2pm without a single meal in me for the day, the first thing I thought of was freshly baked bread. I ended up at one of my favorite local markets with a bag of six sourdough rolls, along with some Greek yogurt and strawberries. The bread was heavenly.

There's a part from one of my favorite childhood books, A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett, where Sarah, the favored child-turned-scullery-maid, is walking down the streets, destitute, remembering her privileged days with her beloved daddy and desperately trying to ease her hunger. She walks by a bakery, the street filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread, and she is overcome by weakness in her need for this bread. She's starving, she's weak and tired, and right then in that moment, a little slice of heaven looks like a bag of 6 rolls, which she eventually eats with wolf-like ferocity a few minutes later, thanks to the kindness of a stranger.

It's no surprise to me, then, when Jesus refers to himself as "the bread of life":

For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world... I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:33, 35

Have you ever had REAL bread? I'm not talking slices of white Wonder Bread; I mean some real, from-scratch bread. The kind that you can't roll into a ball but instead crumbles when you break it. The kind that has every kind of seed and nut in it, brown, earthy, complex and full of texture and taste. It's not the kind of bread most of us eat every day, but it is the kind of bread I imagine being around in Jesus' time, the kind of bread the Jews are demanding Jesus provide them just after the above verses in the Book of John. It is hearty, substantial, and provides the body the kind of energy you would need if you were a first-century Hebrew, doing manual labor, farming.

Even this bread, Jesus said, was not true bread; He is the bread sent from heaven, not the stuff Moses and his flock ate during their 40 years in the desert.

I'm not a huge fan of white bread. It's not very filling, and it's kind of bland. Even worse is the "diet" bread I see on the shelves, the reduced-calorie bread that promises to be all fiber and less calories. That stuff tastes like crap - it's totally gross. It screws with my blood sugar, does nothing to fill my stomach, and it makes me grouchy, even. And it still leaves me completely unsatisfied, in many cases even hungrier than I was before I ate. Everything good and lasting has been processed right out, and it's basically just fluffy cardboard.

And yet, I so often settle for filling my hunger for the Bread of Life with all sorts of meaningless filler: things that promise to satisfy me and yet leave me hungering for Him even more than before. There is so much out there in the world that promises to satisfy me, whether it's a crusty sourdough roll, the latest technology, a bigger house, more money. It smells good, looks tasty, and some of it even makes me salivate (um, hello, iPhone), but in the end, I'm still left wanting more. Sometimes it doesn't even taste all that good, and still I continue to fill myself with it. Even some of the "heartier" stuff will not satisfy my true hunger: I can listen to all the amazing worship songs in the world, listen to the best sermons every Sunday, fill my life with some of the most inspiring Christian friends I've ever had... and all of it, though good and sent from God, is not a replacement for Him. It's not a replacement for the true, soul-filling Word. It will never satisfy the true hunger in me. Only He can do that.

This past New Year's Day, as I pondered what I could commit to doing to improve my life, I realized that if I wanted to know true satisfaction, true intimacy, true love in 2009, I needed to starting filling myself with Him. Not because I should, like trying to eat that Ezekiel bread I mentioned above, or because someone told me to, or because I feel guilty that I've totally been neglecting my time with God... but because I hunger for Him. And white-bread, filler stuff in my life just ain't gonna cut it anymore. I need the real stuff.

Just like the dirty, hungry little princess standing outside the bakery, dying for just one hot roll of bread, so I hope to lay myself at his feet, begging for the manna that truly satisfies my hunger. There, I find peace.

Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever. John 6:57-58

a New Year's resolution: I will not...

... delete all phone messages, rather automatically, after listening to only the first few seconds, but instead listen thoughtfully and intentionally to every single word.

... ignore all my calls but respond in timely manner to all phone calls, e.g. leaving thoughtful, intentional voice mails to my lovely friends.

(And for those of you who keep calling me and wonder why I don't call back? It's not you, it's me. Yes. I promise. Call me a dumbass all day long. I will totally agree with you. I am totally, completely an idiot with recorded messages. I hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE leaving voice mail on my friends' phones. Do I hate anything even more? LISTENING TO MY OWN VOICE MAIL. I don't know why. It's not that I don't love the sounds of your voice. I just have a complex with my voice mail.)

That is all.

P.S. If any of you reading are voice mail haters, please leave a comment below and make me feel a little less strange.