changing perspective

Sometimes, I get under the impression that in order for God to stretch me, grow me, and teach me something new, it has to be a painful experience that I must learn to endure until I reach the other side of said lesson and can look back with beatific serenity.

(Sometimes, I also write mad run-on sentences.)

Last night proved that that is just not always the case. Like my 3rd grade teacher always told me, learning can be FUN.

My night didn't start out wonderfully. I had a pretty big case of the grumples, having to go to work on a Friday night, drive in the opposite direction of the rest of the world heading home, and leave my husband at home. I was feeling very large and uncomfortable, having been unable to catch any sleep before going to work because the current occupant of my uterus is apparently rehearsing for his big Cirque du Soleil debut. And upon getting to work, I call Jason to wish him a good night, only to find out that he found another roach in our kitchen, despite the past two weeks' worth of scrubbing, disinfecting, cleaning, baiting, and roach-trap-setting we'd been doing with Pest Control Dude's help.

Frustrated and without much thought, I got all upset and stated that I HATED our house, that it was DUMB and STUPID. I didn't like being at work, either. Tonight SUCKED.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the receiver. I didn't get any commiseration. What I got was Jason quietly telling me that he was grateful for this house that we now owned and were growing a family in, and that my job (and resulting income) were making that all possible, and that he wished he could encourage me to look at things a little more positively.

Oh.

Okay, so I'll concede that part was a little painful and humbling. But, it did get me thinking. (Before you get scared, I'll reassure you that it was GOOD thinking. Read on.)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I didn't like the idea of being malcontent, ungrateful. But that's exactly what I was being. At the time of the phone conversation, though, I didn't have much chance to mull over my discontent - I had several patients who needed me, right then.

Here's where the fun, good stuff happens:

All of my patients were nice, undemanding. Well, one was drugged out and on a ventilator, but he was at least stable and resting comfortably, and the other two were very nice. One of them even shared his Heavenly Hash ice cream with me, and it was deee-licious.

My coworkers were, for the most part, in good spirits themselves. We laughed a lot. Plus, I got some more baby shower presents from them.

Later that evening, my charge nurse tells me that because of the low number of patients on the floor - it was an unusually slow and quiet night for a weekend night on a trauma floor - she had to send another nurse home. Would I like to go, she asked. Would I? Ding! I nodded gratefully and my uterus contracted in agreement. So I got to leave a few hours early, at 3am instead of 7am. Oh, blessed rest.

Driving home, I decided to forgo the air-conditioning - usually blasting in my face - and roll down the windows instead. It was a beautiful night, one of the aspects about living in Florida that actually make me thankful I live here, and we get a lot of these nights in the summertime. I went the long way home, avoiding the highway, and drove leisurely (and carefully) through the streets toward my house. The breezes were soft and cool, the humidity not so humid, and when I drove through neighborhood streets, I could smell the fragrant confederate jasmine blooming in the night air.

And then, I got to walk in my front door earlier than expected, without any roaches waiting to greet me, and get into bed and snuggle with my sleepy, warm husband, who was a little surprised but still happy to see me home so early. I was under the roof of the house we owned, the house where we are building a family, the house where we are surrounded by constant reminders of how loved and blessed we are.

Sinking off to sleep, I remembered all of these good things, and I smiled and whispered a grateful "thank you" to the One who made this all possible for me, and who showed me in a loving, fun, enjoyable way that perhaps I just needed a little change in my perception to see just how blessed I really am.