five things I can't seem to add to my baby registry

1. An epidural. Seriously, people. Scoff ye not at legally administered narcotics. It's what made Aidan's birth go from agonizing, rip-roarin' pain to blissfully blissed-out blissdom.

2. A celebrity trainer. So that after I give birth, I can whip myself into gorgeous Hollywood shape and sculpt my impossibly long, million-dollar-insured legs into works of art, just in time to make the premiere of my action movie starring Hugh Jackman.

3. Impossibly long, million-dollar-insured legs. Also, Hugh Jackman. (Just kidding, Jason.)

4. The climate of Denver. You know, in exchange for the climate of Orlando. Because I think the people who live in Denver would, like, totally appreciate tropical sauna heat when they try to hit the slopes.

5. A guaranteed, uninterrupted nap every day at 2pm.