owwwwww!

Note: this post contains references to blood and female stuff, so if that stuff grosses you out, skip this post. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Without delving into all the gory details, I've been waiting for this miscarriage to finally resolve itself, and last night, it did. And let me tell you, I have never felt pain quite like that! It was the kind of pain where you writhe in bed and your whole body tenses up. I actually moaned. Thank God it only lasted for about 45 minutes: I had called the doctor-on-call because I was worried that I was losing too much blood, and she told me to pop 4 ibuprofen every 6 hours for the pain/bleeding. Blessed, blessed drug. When it kicked in, I was a new woman.

And I know that kajillions of people say not to weigh yourself every day, but I do: I find it usually stays pretty consistent as long as I keep the conditions the same (no clothes, emptied everything, no breakfast yet). All this week so far, the number on the scale has read the same. No big deal to me - I don't expect three days to do a whole lot. I remembered yesterday's number as I got on this morning, thinking I had to have dropped at least a pound with all the water and everything gone from my body (pregnant women retain everything, it appears). I stepped on the scale... FIVE AND A HALF POUNDS GONE. Holy cow. It was quite possibly the fastest 5 pounds I've ever lost, though by no means the easiest. It was no fluke of the scale, either: my skinny jeans fit again. My abdomen looks - to me - visibly reduced. Amazing.

Overall, there's a great sense of relief. I think all the tears and the emotion had been shed weeks ago, and maybe there will be more in the coming days, I don't know, but I am definitely feeling closure and a fresh-start feeling now that this small chapter of my life has closed. I am looking forward to getting pregnant again, though I'm wanting the next pregnancy to be planned, not a surprise, and maybe I'll hold off telling the world until I hit my 2nd trimester. And I'll also not run to celebrate the pregnancy with a large cookies and cream milkshake from Steak and Shake every day. After this experience, I can't say I won't be a little cautious or scared with the next pregnancy - there are no guarantees, it seems. But overall, I am hopeful, and that feels good, finally.