i am cheap, large, and topped with sour cream

Jason and I went to our local Bennigan's last night for dinner. We probably could have eaten at home just as easily and for less expense, but I was tired, hungry, a bit sore from standing on my feet all day and helping 300+-pound patients walk around, and I was not in the mood to cook dinner. Apparently, neither was Jason, so out we went.

We're creatures of habit: I ordered a "Turkey O'Toole", which is pretty much a hot turkey sandwich on a sliced soft pretzel, minus the salt sprinkles and with a little bit of honey mustard added. He orders Chicken Tenders. We both order a loaded baked potato as the side.

(Already, you might read into a lot of things about what I ordered. Healthy broccoli as a side? Hell no! Anyway, I digress...)

The food comes out after an okay wait, and our loaded baked potatoes? Tiny. Well, they seemed quite tiny to us, anyway. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows how cranky I get when I am hungry, especially when you add being tired into the mix. I ask the waiter, "What's up with the tiny potatoes?" Waiter Dude shrugs and says, "I dunno. I guess potatoes come in different sizes. Sorry about that," and walks away.

I begin to FUME.

I keep staring at this potato, fuming because it is roughly 3/4 the size of my fist (and mind you, my hands are quite small) and nowhere near the size of the potatoes I'm used to getting from Bennigan's: big, butter-drippy, cheesy, bacony taters that are meals unto themselves. I'm fuming because of the size and over the Unfairness Of It All that I am paying about $9 for a turkey sandwich and a measly potato-wannabe.

Then, it hits me: this is EXACTLY the sort of thing for which I should be grateful. Why? Because I've grown up watching portion sizes get bigger and bigger. I've also watched my waistline get bigger and bigger (especially lately) because I, too, look for bigger and better and cheaper all the time. Sure, I'll lament over the Biggie-Sizing of restaurant and fast food meals, but when you actually listen to me and replace the monstrous portions with more reasonable ones, I kick and scream and sob, "It's not fair!" like a socialite getting sent back to serve the rest of her prison term.

In the end, we told the waiter we were dissatisfied, left a note expressing as much on our credit card receipt, and vowed to go someplace where the portion sizes were bigger for less money. That wasn't our exact thought, but it was the sentiment, for sure. We bellyached on the ride home about how the cost of one of our dwarf-sized meals at Bennigan's could have bought an entire feast of gooey queso and tortilla-wrapped goodness at Moe's instead. But inside my head, the wheels were turning.

I'm wondering why I pay money every month to places like Weight Watchers to help me lose weight, when I am also running around town, searching like a starved rat to find food that is both cheap and large. You know the expression: "you are what you eat". Does this mean I am both cheap and large? Well, um... YEAH. It's heading that way, anyway.

I'm thinking a lot today about this. I'm missing the open trail, which I haven't seen now for about 4 months. I'm thinking about smaller potatoes and better food and learning that "stuffed" is not an option to treat myself the best way I can. I'm thinking about a lot of these things.

More to follow. Me thinks there is a huge turn-around happening.