eternal peace

I've been fighting the urge all week to write something about Jerry Hadley. His death has left me, a person who had only heard him but never met him personally, sad and baffled. I decided to write something anyway.

I am still baffled, haunted.

I can tell you that his voice was one of the most beautiful I have ever heard. A friend sent me a mix tape with several operatic snippets and songs on it; included was a beautiful duet with soprano Ruth-Ann Swenson, "Stranger in Paradise" from the operetta Kismet. I remember thinking, what a perfect, ardently clear tenor voice. I must have listened to that duet a hundred times, and I never tired of hearing him.

I don't know how it must feel to be so severely, profoundly depressed, that the only option to consider is suicide. I can guess, and it makes my heart heavy. I lost a former patient of mine to suicide recently, a bright, beautiful young woman who was also deeply adored and who also believed that death was the only way out. I have often been plagued with the "if-only-I-had's" after I hear about friends who have killed themselves; even with Jerry Hadley, whom I never knew personally, I wonder about the power of a thoughtful, well-timed fan letter.

I do know, at least in part, the effect of living off of other people's opinions, as you do when you are a performer by career. Hadley had been getting some bad reviews within recent years, claims that the "bloom" at his upper registers had been taken off from taking on roles that were too heavy for his voice. A voice isn't like another instrument you can trade up or replace when broken... and I can only imagine how hard it is to be at the top of your game, adored by millions, and then be told that you are yesterday's news, a has-been. Add to that his constant struggle with depression, facing bankruptcy, and a recent divorce, and it added up to a mountain of hopelessness for him. Never mind the incredible impact he left on so many of us, or the potential to foster the next generation of singers through his teaching and coaching.

He is today's news, surely. He was taken off life support Monday, and he died today.

Rest in peace, Jerry. You are missed.



Edited to add: There have been some wonderfully touching, haunting posts from Hadley's friends and colleagues, including this one and this one, as well as this one with a touching, more recent photo at the end.