Clinicals today: my clinical instructor - who just happens to be a staff RN on the very floor I want to work - came up to me to ask me about the stupid school project I had been working on just a few days ago. One of her regular assignments for us just happened to be the first third of the stupid school project I turned in. It's an incredibly tedious, meticulous, overly-thorough run-down of a patient, from the patient's social history, past medical issues and diagnoses, all their labs and the explanation for each stinkin' one ("sodium is a major cation in the extracellular fluid..."), and a handful of nursing care plans, plus a critique of a research article on a subject pertinent to the diagnosis. Thirty-five pages. Ugh.
So, the part I turned into her (and as part of the overall bigger stupid project) had all those labs and lab value explanations. And she asks me: "So, you did proofread it before you handed it in for good, right?" I'm sure all the color drained from my face when she asked... and I said that I did, but I got home this afternoon and saw exactly what she described: when I cut and pasted some labs, I forgot to delete the original boxes, and then on a very important lab, I had NO EXPLANATION. None whatsoever. Because I think I was going to delete that lab altogether - not every one is important - but I didn't, and they are picky, picky, picky, and together with all the other mistakes that are likely in there that I don't know about, well... it makes me sick to my stomach and fervently wishing I was just DONE with school. I felt like a dunce, even though I'd spent days and days and days working on it. It may sound like a minor oversight, but to a tired, frustrated professor who's stressed time and time again to proofread your case study prior to submission, who's already reviewed a handful of possibly crappy and possibly stellar submissions, and who finally gets to mine with a red pen that misses nothing? Recipe for a lower grade, it is. And I so need a good grade. The grade for this class determines where we'll do our senior practicum, which determines where we'll work after graduation, which could potentially set me back on my road to a certain graduate program, yet to be announced when I am certain I want to commit to all three years of it.
Ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh... I just have to wait for the verdict now. Wish me the best. Think merciful vibes and send them to my professors.
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