diary of a mad pregnant woman

Thursdays have become special days to me over the past several months because they mark the beginning of a new week of pregnancy. I anticipate them like a child anticipates their birthday, and usually by the preceding Monday or Tuesday, I'd already be telling people I was that week plus a half ("I'm 30 and a half weeks") or "almost" the next week. I'm surprised I haven't already gone completely whole hog about it and tell people things like "Yes, I'm 30 weeks, 5 days, and 4-1/2 hours along!" I probably would, except that requires more math skillz than my hormone-riddled brain can muster right now.

Speaking of those hormones, I've noticed that for as dull as my short-term memory has become, as clumsy as my limbs have operated, as much as my attention span has made permanent vacation lately... ooh, look, a flower! Pretty. Hmmmm. Wonder if it's going to rain again. Maybe I should wear a different pair of shoes. Shoes are fun to shop for. Let's go shopping.

(large reminder kick from baby)

Oh, oh, sorry! Anyway... for as much as I've been foggy-headed, distracted, and clumsy, some of my finer sensitivities have become more, well, sensitive. And when I say sensitive, I mean that sometimes I get convinced that people exist just to make me feel bad.

For example:

--A lack of RSVPs to an event of mine has me totally convinced that NO ONE LOVES ME and EVERYONE THINKS I AM A HORRIBLE, OFFENSIVE, GREEDY PERSON. Never mind that I am the World Champion of Lazy RSVP'ing and always forget to do so myself, no matter how much I am looking forward to said event.

--My husband usually leaves his rather clean dishes to "soak" in the sink, rather than putting them in the dishwasher. Lately, this has meant I AM TO BECOME SOLE DRUDGERY MAID FOR ALL WHO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE. Never mind that my own dirty dishes lay in a unclean heap just beside the sink.

--My cat refuses to come snuggle with me during a thunderstorm, and I am immediately convinced I AM A FELINE REPELLANT and SHE HATES ME. Never mind that she always, always hides somewhere dark and isolated during thunderstorms, because she is a scaredy-cat like that.

--A former patient of mine - with whom I spent inordinate amounts of time over several weeks to make sure he felt comfortable, pain-free, and accommodated for all his needs - sends our nursing staff a huge bouquet of flowers, several bags of Hershey's candy, and a lovely thank-you card for all the kindnesses he received during his extended stay with us. He does not mention my name in the card. HE IS A ROTTEN JERK WHO IS UNGRATEFUL AND FORGETFUL AND SELFISH. Never mind that I eat several handfuls of the candy, and that the thank you's are just as much for me as anyone else. (Or that it's actually my job to be nice to my patients.)

--Traffic on the highway is worse than usual for 7:45 in the morning heading away from the city, and several cars cut in front of me to try and make the gap between present location and destination that much shorter. This, of course, means that ALL DRIVERS ARE INCONSIDERATE, RUDE MORONS and it's going to become so bad so fast that soon, EVERY DAY I WILL BE IN AN ACCIDENT. EVERY DAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Never mind about my own driving skills, or the fact that these drivers have been like this for eons, or that it's just the nature of Orlando traffic.

Can you imagine how, well, uneven this has made the quality of each day for me? One minute, I'm celebrating the Supreme Miracle of Life growing within me. The next, I'm cursing everything and anything, crying into my soup and wishing I'd never been born onto this hate-filled rock orb called Earth. It's rather exhausting.

And if you mention anything that even remotely agrees with me about all of this, I will suddenly burst into tears on you and know in my heart that YOU THINK AND ARE CONFIRMING I AM HYPERSENSITIVE, THAT I DO NOT DESERVE TO LIVE, AND MUST BE BANISHED TO A DARK ROOM SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM HUMANITY BECAUSE YOU THINK I AM SCUM.

(Seriously, I may have just eliminated all chances for anyone ever leaving any comments ever again on this blog.)